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L!GHTS OUT #38

WSU Nutter Center

Dayton, Ohio

10,000

Desktop 1920 x 1080

[From inside the Nutter Center in Dayton, Ohio, the building is packed to the roof with 10,000 fans that are in pandemonium as the building is lit up with a marvelous light show at the main stage and above the ring. Several camera angles pan all throughout the building, capturing all of the excitement. As the electric introduction subsides, the view starts to transition to ringside with a tight closeup of the star studded commentary crew of Elijah Carlson and Perry Wallace sitting intently at the broadcast table. For a second straight show, before they can begin to rundown the card for tonight, the arena is engulfed in darkness as the lights go out.]

[As anyone who has ever walked to the ring will tell you, the brand of heathen fan in Ohio is the most brutally rabid than any you will find anywhere else. Those that pack the seats in the heart of the heartland, THE home of the Buckeyes, these lunatics know how to be fanatical. Wrestling may all as well be dead in Columbus, but Dayton sits on the fringe of a wrestling hotbed stretching from Wheeling to Indianapolis, right along The River.]

 

[Brutal; because when Buddy Winchester stepped out from behind the curtain, the silence was deafening.]

 

[On a night where debutants would certainly have impressions to make, the Warhorse Championship was on the line and two last-chance opportunities were up for grabs, the very last thing these people wanted to see was Buddy Winchester standing on the stage, dripping more of his glass of scotch on his cheap suit than he did in his mouth.]

 

[And, as they would on the campus of Wright State University had Butler just rolled in, they let him have it.]

 

[Loud boos filled the air as Buddy hazardously tossed the glass to the side without concern. He didn’t care that they were jeering and chanting vulgarities either. See, he knew that very abruptly, they would go silent.]

 

[And they did.]

 

[The entire Nutter Center was suspended in awe as Hunter Benjamin joined Buddy on the stage. The boy is massive, especially next to the sly devil escorting him to the ring. His red singlet stretched, if not five, every-bit of four-and-three-quarter-feet across his chest where a raging bear was depicted tearing through gladiator warriors on top of the Union Battleground logo.]

 

[No music, no pyrotechnics, and no fanfare; smirking, Buddy simply nodded, and then he led his bear of a boy down the ramp. The only mind Buddy paid the fans was to jerk away and roll his shoulders from their attempts, but Hunter made certain to fist bump and shoulder dap as many people as he could on their way to the ring.]

 

[At ringside, Buddy went up the stairs as Hunter simply stepped right up onto the ring apron. The big guy wiped the soles of his Asics and then sat down on the middle rope to help Buddy enter the ring. He followed closely behind, but couldn’t resist encouraging the volume he had built up on the way down, so he threw his hands up above his head.]

 

[Buddy turned his back to the hard-cam, leaned against the ropes, and allowed Hunter to rile ten-thousand-some fans into sounding like twice more than thirty. Buddy couldn’t speak over them anyway, boom-boom-boom, the boy stomped as they chanted.]

 

"KO-DI-AK!"

[And, right at the peak of all of the excitement, Buddy cleared his throat in the microphone he had retrieved from his jacket.]

 

TAP-TAP-TAP

 

[The feedback from Buddy smacking the top of the microphone into his palm reverberated up into the nosebleeds.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

This thing on? Ah, yes, there we go. Can you hear me? Probably not, because of all of these people chanting your name, but I’m pretty sure the production can do some magic for all of you streaming the show tonight on Battleground Network.

 

[Buddy stood side by side with Hunter, speaking to him and the crowd subsided. The fear of being excluded from the conversation, it’s only natural, and it’s a damned-excellent way of working a live crowd to silence. Every time. Put that in your notebook.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Man, they really like you here and I bet I can tell you why. You’re a winner and, here in Ohio, they can smell that kind of thing. They have no fucking idea what to do with it, but these worthless nuts are just attracted to it.

 

[The cheap heat was effective as the entire attendance roared in hatred. Hunter didn’t know how to process it and visibly looked confused, a bit lost and a lot hurt. Buddy continued to lay it on thick.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Well, now that I know I have your attention, my name is Buddy Winchester and this is the master of the Kodiak Crusher; he stands six-foot-seven and weighs two-hundred and eighty-plus pounds; he is a high school and collegiate national wrestling champion; he is undefeated since his professional debut and he is here in the Battleground to remain just that; this is Hunter Benjamin!

 

[Had Gunnar Graves not flown his momma to Dayton and invited her to watch the event from the press box, she’d probably be watching the sunset on the Black Hills of South Dakota and, it’s a sure bet, she could have possibly heard them chanting for her Cubby Bear just as loudly.]

 

[With the fans captivated in chant, Buddy had time to reach back into his inside jacket pocket and pull out a fat wad of cash.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

And, unless they are too broke to pay attention, they know why you are standing here in the ring tonight.

 

[Again, all you have to do is cut them out of the conversation and, just like a nosey Norwood neighbor, every one of them will creep quietly to the edge of their chairs to listen. Especially, when there’s cash involved.]

 

[Buddy held the money over his head as he continued.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

I mean, besides the fact Union Battleground announced it weeks ago, they know why we are here big man. This is five-thousand dollars and, not only am I going to offer it up to anyone who would like to attempt to pin or submit you right here in this ring, I am going to give half of it to the person that tries. No strings attached, of course. That is twenty-five-hundred, just for trying. Hell, you can have the rest.

 

HUNTER BENJAMIN

(not whispering, but trying) To take your daughter out.

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Not my business what the guy does with his half.

 

[Buddy separated the money into halves and motioned for the referee.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

What I can tell you is, this half that I am stuffing in this referee’s pocket is for the winner and this half that I am handing- yes, take it. Take it, TAKE the fucking money! Now, give it to the poor sap that they send out here to be fed to The Kodiak tonight.

 

[The referee went to a neutral corner and, much like the crowd, listens to Buddy while they await a challenger.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Absolutely any trained wrestler can answer the challenge, BUT… I know, there’s always a but, right; but this is not my but, I just have to stress that no one that is already booked to perform here tonight is eligible to compete in this challenge. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Sorry, that is the fine-line, red ink; however, anyone else in the entire building, so long as you sign the waiver over there with ...hey, is that Perry? On commentary? No shit?! Imagine that. (feinting shock) And right next to Eli Carlson, lookie there.

 

[Idea-struck, Buddy lit up as he stepped on the bottom rope and futilely tugged at the middle one.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER
Hey, Eli, how does a five-grand exhibition match sound? No? Not tonight? Oh, okay, yeah…

 

[Buddy turned his back to the commentary table, oblivious and carefree of their comments.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

I don’t think commentary constitutes “already performing tonight”, but hey, what do I know.

 

[Glaring up the ramp, his patience obviously growing thin, he ranted and raved without the microphone.]

 

“This is Union Battleground for fuck’s sake!”

 

[Every word of it was vulgar and every bit of it only further enraged him. Buddy called out anyone from Battleground Network or professional wrestling as a whole. He raged about “...the Suckeyes” and just as he brought the microphone back to his lips and turned to Hunter in the ring.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Well, big guy, it seems no one in Dayton…

 

[Buddy realized there was someone new standing in the ring at about the same time that the crowd did.]

 

"LIGHT-NING! LIGHT-NING! LIGHT-NING!"

 

[Geared up in red and black with bolts of lightning on his boots, the hips of his pants and the center of his chest, Timmy Lutts stood opposite Buddy Winchester. While Buddy yelled up the ramp, Lutts had hopped the barrier and dove into the ring behind him. He had even collected the first half of the cash and was more than ready to try.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Hometown hero, Lightning Timmy Lutts… seriously? So, you mean to tell me, of all the high-end talent that Union Battleground has connections to, they went right to the very bottom of The River for you.

 

[All this did was reignite the chants, but Buddy pressed on.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

I really thought coming here that our challenge would bring out the very best of the Battleground. I mean, I thought this place had connections with Yamashi, yet you send out a local talent?

 

[Buddy looked at Lutts as if the challenger had scabies and Buddy was standing too damned close for comfort.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

I mean, I could have had Kodiak come out here and run over three people in your designed opener and then somehow work these ingrates into a ‘KILL KODIAK KILL’ chant, but who does that?

 

[Lutts nudged Buddy on the shoulder and gestured a whole handful of cash before motioning Buddy to shut his mouth and shooed him out of the ring.]

 

BUDDY WINCHESTER

Oh, well, okay… I mean, if you insist. Perry! ...did this puke sign the waiver?

 

[With a “Go eat shit” grin, Perry Wallace flipped Buddy a middle finger and then used it to point to the scribble at the foot of the paper in front of him on the desk. Buddy’s jaw hit the mat, slightly offended, but he exited the ring. Begrudgingly.]

[DING!]

 

[Squatting half-crouched in the far corner, Lutts measured up his Goliath-foe staring back at him from the center of the ring. Sweat already beaded across Lutts brow, his eyes wide and, even from this distance, he had to look up. Lutts stood up, extended his hand and after a brief gesture of sportsmanship, they locked up. Lutts is five-eleven and two-hundred pounds soaking wet, he is not a formidable test of strength against Hunter Benjamin and quickly found himself pushed back against the turnbuckles in the corner where he started. Hunter leaned in heavy with his forearm cranking Lutts’ head back over the top turnbuckle.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

So listen, Perry. There I was with the entire shopping list that Genie had ordered from Whole Foods, and Hadley sitting in her high chair eating her puffs that I realized getting turf installed in our backyard would be better than having natural grass. I mean, it cost us like 10 grand. But you know, to a long time champion of the greatest wrestling promotion to ever exist, that’s like twenty five cents to me. I am the one percent.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I have to step in here for the sake of your lawn. Why in the fuck would you even want fake grass? What is wrong with you? Y’all haven’t been by the house lately. Javier has my lawn looking good as hell. I don’t know how far he’s willing to travel but I’m sure he can refer you to someone where you live who will do it for half that cost straight cash.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Natural grass is great until you’ve got half a zoo pissing in your yard and killing it all. Turf is the way to go.

 

“You don’t have a chance, Lutts. You should have kept your seat.”

 

[While Buddy delivered a tongue lashing, the referee issued a count. At four, Hunter backed off with his open hands above his head. Lutts thrust both palms into Hunter’s chest, shoving with all his might. Hunter didn’t budge. Instead, he shot forward and buried his knee into Lutts’ midsection, doubling him over. By the nape of Lutts’ neck and with a handful of his tights, Hunter dragged Lutts across the ring and rammed him into the middle turnbuckle of the opposite corner. Hunter held onto his grip points, spun a complete three-sixty, and rammed Lutts into the turnbuckle a second time.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

But this guy? Five grand is probably what he got when his pop pop passed. And that was just because his family would have felt guilty telling him he’d been left out of their will.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Guarantee you his family has never seen five grand.

 

[Lutts was seeing stars but had it in him to duck a wild right and pepper the big guy with some stinging closed fists. Hunter tried to cover up his head and Lutts drew a “WOO!” from the crowd with a knife-edge chop. Hunter shoved Lutts away and went to the adjacent corner where Lutts cracked him again. This scenario played out into a third corner and a third knife-edge chop from Lutts before he tried to whip the big guy across the ring.]

 

[Hunter reversed and sent Lutts hurling into the ropes. On the snapback, Lutts luckily ducked a clothesline, but on the second return, Hunter simply ran him over with a shoulder and hip attack. Hunter yanked Lutts up off of the mat by his head and fired him back into the corner.]

 

[With the referee counting and warning, Hunter wound up and battered Lutts with windmill forearm shots until Lutts had crumpled and crashed to his knees. The referee was at four and Hunter dragged Lutts from the corner by one arm to mow him down with a short-arm clothesline, but Hunter didn’t let go.]

 

“Watch this Eli, just in case the itch to ever come after this money gets under your skin.”

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

WOW…… A POWERBO… oh wait no that’s just a boring ass choke hold.

 

PERRY WALLACE

You going to let that guy taunt you like that, Eli? Go out there and take his two fifty.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Paul Knight paid me more than that. No thanks.

 

PERRY WALLACE

He tried to pay your wife more than that.

 

[Hunter jerked Lutts back up by the arm and spun him around; trapping the same arm, Hunter wrapped his tree-trunk arms around Lutts and squeezed. Lutts yelled out in agony and Hunter squeezed tighter.]

 

“Ask him!”

 

[Buddy demanded the referee to check for the submission several times and each time that Lutts yelled out a weakening denial, Hunter constricted his arms tighter. When the air had been squeezed from the lifeless body of the hometown hero, the crowd had no choice but to count along. The referee raised Lutts’ hand and let it drop.]

 

… One!

 

… Two!

 

… Three!

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

 

[Hunter simply let Lutts loose to fall into a broken heap on the mat. While the referee raised Hunter’s hand in victory, Buddy quickly picked the cash from the pocket of Lutts’ tights. The remainder was collected from the referee before Buddy applauded and celebrated with his bear of a boy.]

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here is your winner, "The Kodiak" Hunter Benjamin!

 

[Hunter was visibly confused by the reaction of the crowd, they booed the actions and antics of his manager and cursed them both. It didn’t seem to bother Buddy, so the big guy shrugged and went along with it. On their exit, Buddy turned back to the roaming camera and held up his index finger.]

 

“That’s one.”

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well, at least he can count higher than the GHB guys can.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I came here as a manager for like two matches and did better than this dude in his entire career.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

If he can count to 2501 he’ll be more successful than Madison.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Wordgate left 4CW’s immune system weak and we just weren’t ready for COVID. Rest in piss.

[Scene cuts to backstage, inside a dimly lit locker room.]

 

[Morgan Payne sits on the bench, wearing a black Punisher skull hoodie over her ring gear. She doesn’t even pay attention to the camera as she spins Chloe, her shillelagh, on the weapon’s end like a top before catching it from falling. She does this repeatedly, over and over as she stares down at the floor.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

Welp! Here I am, then. Finally at the Battleground….

 

[She speaks so heavily in her Pittsburgh accent, that “ou” sounds more like “ah” than anything. Morgan lifts her eyes from staring at the floor but she looks ahead of her instead of directly at the camera.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

I been thinkin’ a lot lately ‘bout things. Where I wanted to go in this business. Goals I wanna achieve n’at. Lotta muhfuckahs think dat I can’t hang with the biggums ‘round places like these.

 

[Morgan clicks her tongue as she lifts the shillelagh up off the floor and rests it in her lap. Here, she starts to occasionally look from ahead of her to the camera itself with a calm, almost laid back expression.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

It finally hit me that I work for five places all at once, here included.

 

[It shows in her face too. Goddamn, does she look exhausted. Or strung out. Or maybe she’s on something. Who knows with this girl, anymore? Morgan shakes her head absent mindedly and digs a pack of Newports out of the pocket on her hoodie, shamelessly lighting one up in her mouth and enjoying a deep drag. She gives the camera a funny look and holds the cigarette up.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

Whatta they gonna do, fuckin’ fine me?

 

[She shrugs, takes another drag and winks during.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

Anyway…. Five places and hardly a damn thing to show for any of ‘em. I held a TV title for three weeks in one before I lost to a bitch goin’ into a midlife crisis. Whooptee fuckin’ do. I was green as shit then. Now? How’s dat sayin’ go? New year, new me? Sounds cliche as fuck, but it couldn’t be more true in my case.

 

[She flicks some ash and snorts out through her nose, taking another drag.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

I started this year off putting my career and future into the hands of a man who I thought hated me. I thought he detested me like errbody else. Turned out he saw somethin’ in me dat nobody else but a few seemed to notice. Potential. Potential to be someone great in dis business. Dat’s why I stepped outta my comfort zone in the fed dat gave me my start. Dat’s why I stepped outta da walls of da other place dat my girls an’ me run as da Kingdom. I stepped out on my own, by myself, to see what it is dat I can really do on my own. Can I make da world hear my name recall somethin’ great I did? Title or not. See, now...Anna Daniels and Michael Hayden...they think I came here with tunnel vision. They think I’m so focused on Danny MacNamara dat I ain’t concentratin’ on our match tonight. Muhfuckers, I been concentratin’! Did yinz not hear me when I acknowledged dat yinz each got almost two decades of experience in dis business?

 

[Pause. Long drag of her cigarette. Her face goes somber and a sigh escapes her. She looks down, and tapes the end of her shillelagh on the floor a couple of times.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

Hayden told me revenge is da wrong way to go. Anna? I dunno what her mindset is. They both think I came here just for one purpose. I came here to succeed. The jagoff I’m huntin’? He’s just another name on a long list of people who are gonna get their heads rocked. I ain’t goin’ directly after him. Nah. See, it’d be a waste to just kick the door in to Union and demand Danny MacNamara on a silver platter. For starters, it wouldn’t happen. I’m da new fish here. I know how it works. I can’t be makin’ demands. Second, I know what his goals here are. It’d be a lot more poetic and a fuck load more justified if I waited till he was about to succeed on his end. Then, just when he’s ‘bout to get that twisted lil smile on his face and say he told us all so….

 

[She flips her shillelagh up and smacks it into her hand with the slap of wood on flesh and smirks ever so slightly; her Newport sticks out of the side of her mouth. She lowers the shillelagh into her lap and pulls the cigarette, almost down to the butt, from her mouth. She  drops it on the floor and snuffs it with the business end of her club.]

 

MORGAN PAYNE

Dat’s when I’mma getchu, Danny, but for now...Anna and Mike. Yinz and I got some business to attend to, don’t we?

 

[Morgan goes quiet as she gets up from the bench and the camera turns to stay on her as she walks to the door and steps out into the hallway, disappearing from the doorway; undoubtedly, heading to the Gorilla position.]

 

[Cut back to ringside.]

MIKE DEMPSEY

The following battle is scheduled for one fall, and is a Triple Threat Match! Introducing first, standing 5’4” and weighing in at 130 pounds, from McKeesport, Pennsylvania, making her Union Battleground debut, she is Morgan Payne!

 

[The lights go out, shrouding the arena in darkness as those opening beats to "Heart Of A Champion" bumps through the speakers. As soon as the guitar riff starts, the video wall comes to life with a grainy reel of the streets of McKeesport, PA while the back wall screen comes to life with a combined static and barbwire design.]

MIC CHECK, YO, MAN, FUCK YOU

I GOT SOME COKE IN MY SOCK AND A COUPLE ROCKS TOO

I GOT A BOTTLE FULL OF KETEL, DRUNK, PEDAL TO THE METAL

GOT SOME BEEF I GOTTA SETTLE, BUT YOU GOTTA CHECK THE DENTALS

[As the lyrics to the song start, the video wall switches to images of a woman in a hooded sweatshirt, sitting in a chair with a studded shillelagh being held vertical under one hand, in between her knees. Her hand spins the club like a top as the camera cuts around to different angles of her in the black and white video. The final clip shows a closeup of her lifting her cold, merciless eyes to the camera before the video of McKeesport fills the screen again.]

 

[As “I'm crossing out names” is heard, a black silhouette walks out into view in front of the staticy barbwire image on the back wall. The silhouette turns towards the camera from the distance and steps out onto the stage, wielding the same shillelagh seen in the video. The figure twirls the weapon lazily once at their side before resting it over their shoulder. The lighting changes just enough to illuminate the figure, revealing none other than Morgan Payne! She stares down the ramp with coldness in her heterochromic eyes, briefly glancing around at the audience.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I wish the young god was here right now.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I wish he was too. I’d like to have a word with that little fuck. I first met this little dude last year and got him to build a website for 8 Corners. Next thing I know I’m getting questioned about credit card scams and when I reach out to Chang, this little shit was pretending to someone else the whole fucking time! He cost me so much goddamn money over this bullshit in lawyer fees and fines and I can’t legally do anything about it because this motherfucker’s real identity is nonexistent.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Shouldn’t have gone 1000 points over with him.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I guess I should have at least read the disclaimer. AIN’T THAT RIGHT MORGAN!!!

 

[Morgan walks down to the ring intently but in no rush at all. The look on her face, cold and hard, never changes as she reaches ringside and ascends the steps before entering the ring over the middle rope. As soon as she’s in the ring, she brings the shillelagh back up onto her shoulder and moves to a corner, climbing the turnbuckle and raises her shillelagh overhead to the jeering audience. Once she steps down, she sets her shillelagh in the corner, throwing back her hood and removing her jacket, tossing it over the ropes to the timekeeper as she turns around, facing inside the ring and loosening up some.]

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

And now, standing 6’2” and weighing in at 227 pounds, from The Shores of La Jolla in San Diego, California, representing Limitless Wrestling, he is “Limitless” Michael Hayden!

"KASHMIR" BY BOND 

BEGINS TO PLAY

[The violins cutting through the silence and drawing everyone's attention. As the drums kick in, Michael Hayden steps from behind the curtain, pausing to take a look at his surroundings. Letting the umbrella rest over his shoulder, Hayden takes a moment to soak in the atmosphere. Marching to the ring, Hayden stops just at ringside before scanning the crowd once more. Letting out a loud "WHO?!" through the mask, Hayden hops onto the ring apron before raising the umbrella into the air. Stepping inside the ring, Hayden removes the mask, staring daggers at his opponent. Maintaining eye contact, Hayden removes his jacket, handing it to a ringside worker before stretching for his match.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

BASK IN HIS GLORY OH BASK IN HIS GLORY! That guy looks different than I remember Keith Lee looking though.

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

And finally, standing 5’7” and weighing in at 135 pounds, from Fascination Street, she is “The Muse” Anna Daniels!

 

[Darkness falls on the arena because this is how the best wrestling entrances start. The Teemba edit of Solid Space’s “A Darkness In My Soul” begins to play much to the bemusement of the crowd. It plays for a bit, building up through the somewhat extended intro before the top of the ramp is swept with light revealing Anna Daniels! Hurray!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

And once again we get to see if Doctor Strange Anna Daniels can control time or if she fucks up the count all over again.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Now look it, I have actually been doing some thinking about this. Who’s to say that she’s wrong? After all, NASA did just recently discover a parallel universe next to ours where time and physics are completely opposite of ours. Also, please don’t reference that retarded show around me, Sweetie.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You know she’s been talking shit about your dad, right? Not Sweetie. Anna. Also, that wasn’t a Dr. Who reference it was a Doctor Strange reference. He’s one of the Avengers you stupid fuck.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Man, I’m high right now. Same fucking difference.

INTO THE WILD

THOUGHTS OF AN

UNEARTHLY CHILD

PLANTS AND ANIMALS

[Anna, to her credit, stands proudly amongst the otherwise dark arena and soaks in the crowd’s reaction, whatever it may be, before giving a side eye to the ring. Making her way down the ramp, she walks as if she’s in a trance while occasionally doing one theatric gesture or another. In fact, she takes her sweet ass time in doing so because the (Time) Lord doesn’t have to rush for you plebs. You wait for the (Time) Lord. She wipes her feet on the apron oh-so-nicely...before exploding between the ropes and in the ring like an absolute loon.]

 

[After the music dies down, all three competitors stand patiently in their corners, with their eyes darting back and forth between all contestants. The referee stands off to the side then checks off with each wrestler and calls for the bell!]

 

[DING!]

 

[As the bell echoes throughout the arena, no one is quick to make a move from their corners, just seething glares glance back and forth as the tension increases. Finally like a flip of a switch, Daniels, Hayden, and Payne all surge toward the center like raging bulls. All three collide in the center of the ring, standing over top the distressed Battleground star decal and begin trading blows back and forth with one another. Clenched fists, elbows, headbutts, kicks, and knees fly all around in all directions like a mosh pit with no one gaining any clear control.]

 

[With the crowd growing with intensity, the free-for-all brawl begins to zero in on Michael Hayden. Seemingly subconsciously, both Daniels and Payne begin to double up on the veteran as they slowly chop him down. Hayden takes a vicious beating to the point he falls to his knees while the other two continue to throw sharp kicks at his body. Then suddenly, Anna Daniels and Morgan Payne are thrown back like a bomb just detonated as Hayden leads with an uppercut for each opponent and springs to his feet. Morgan and Anna could only get to a seated position after the display of power before Hayden leaps toward Payne with a superkick to the face. Hayden continues with his momentum as he runs the ropes. On the return, he crashes into Daniels with a brutal knee square between the eyes.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

I can’t wait to hear the crying when things don’t work out in Morgan’s favor here tonight.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Will you even be around on twitter to hear it?

 

PERRY WALLACE

Yes. I will be right there to make sure no one is mean to people who use someone committing suicide as a reason to push their own agenda despite being a miserable piece of shit retarded cunt like the person who Lex Collins hires to tweet for him.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You can’t use the R word, Perry.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Alright, I won’t say retarded. I’ll just simply use the term mentally handicapped fucktard. I can’t get suspended on this website.

 

[Hayden is fueled by the crowd’s reaction as he runs back toward Morgan Payne who's trying to get back to her feet. As Morgan gets to her knees, Hayden steps up and cuts her off with the Limit Breaker! The step-up scissor kick floors Payne but Hayden doesn't look finished with her yet.  As she's sprawled out on the mat, Hayden locks around her waist and deadlifts her up and tosses her into the nearest turnbuckle with a textbook German suplex! Morgan hits the corner like a crash test dummy and topples in a heap. Michael Hayden tales a few steps back before rushing back at his opponent and smashes into Payne with a running cannonball! After the collision, Hayden drags his target away from the corner and hooks a leg for the pin.]

 

… One!

 

… Two!

 

… Break!

 

[Just as Michael Hayden hooked the leg, Anna Daniels springs back into action and executes a triangle springboard out from the corner and finishes it off with a double foot stomp to break up the pin. The Time Lord rolls Morgan Payne over to the edge of the ring with her foot then runs the ropes. She bounces off the opposite side to pick up some velocity then comes soaring in with a basement dropkick! Morgan goes flying out of the ring and lands hard on the thinly padded mat on the outside. Anna turns around and directs her attention toward Michael Hayden, who is getting back to a base stance. Daniels sprints and connects with a running knee to the temple and Hayden topples back to the mat. The Time Lord then begins continuously stomping away at Hayden, never giving him a second to get his bearings.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

ARE YOU ALRIGHT OVER THERE ON THE GROUND MORGAN? Eli, I don’t think she realizes that the match is supposed to take place inside of the ring. She never did seem too bright.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Bullyman Perry here tonight everyone. Have no fear, though, that’s why I’m here. To be a fine upstanding role model for all of our fans around the world.

 

PERRY WALLACE

You’re ten times more the bully than I am!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Maury’s test has determined that to be a lie.

 

[Anna grabs Hayden and brings him up to his feet and quickly begins firing away with a barrage of strikes to the head and body. Though Daniels doesn’t possess the most daunting strength, her blazing and stinging speed is enough to keep Hayden guessing and backs him up into the corner turnbuckle. Anna continues the onslaught before grabbing an arm and Irish whipping Hayden across the ring. Hayden crashes back-first into the opposite turnbuckle and before he can even realize it, Anna is closing in right behind him and connects with a bicycle kick!] 

 

[The stinging slap from the bottom of her boot echoes throughout the arena and Hayden face plants to the mat. Anna rolls him over on his back, revealing a small pool of blood dripping from Hayden’s nose. The Time Lord flashes a menacing grin at the sight as she then begins to ascend the turnbuckle. The crowd is on their feet awaiting to see the acrobatic display of the multidimensional time and space traveler as she sits perched on the top rope. Daniels slowly stands high and keeps a sharp eye on her target. Before she can launch herself, Morgan Payne reemerges from the outside with “Chloe”, her shillelagh in hand. Morgan smacks Anna in the back of the head with the stick and down goes Anna!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Jesus fucking Christ. I haven’t seen one of those used in the ring since your boy TheeJay!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

No, you’re used to seeing them used when you’re looking in the mirror while Antonia is behind you.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Bitch you used to date a girl who typed with her nose.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

It wasn’t all she did with her nose.

 

[Anna face plants hard on the canvas and now Morgan takes to the top rope after dropping her shillelagh. Morgan stands high above her opponents, soaking in the view, before launching herself off the ropes. Morgan comes soaring down targeting Anna Daniels with a double foot stomp then uses the back of her head as a launching pad to drop an elbow onto Michael Hayden. Morgan flops on top of Hayden for a cover as the referee slides in to make the count.]

 

… One!

 

… Two!

 

… Break!

 

PERRY WALLACE

Close! She could have had the three there but she just had to read over a disclaimer before making the cover.

 

[Morgan’s pin attempt gets broken up by Anna who dives in with a short-range forearm. This dazes Payne long enough for Anna to drag her up by her hair. As soon as the two get to their feet, Morgan Payne breaks free from Anna’s grasp and throws a stiff elbow. The strike lands clean on the jaw and puts Anna on skates. Morgan continues to unload a combination of strikes to the head and body that backs Anna into a corner. Morgan Payne switches things up now and starts throwing vicious knife edge chops to the chest. Each one gives off a piercing echo which the crowd reacts with the ooh’s and aah’s.]

 

[Morgan then grabs an arm and Irish whips Anna across the ring. The Muse goes racing across the ring and slams into the opposite turnbuckle. Anna bounces off the padding and before she can even realize it, Morgan Payne is hot on her trail and floors her with a spear! FAUGH A BALLAGH! The signature move made infamous by the MacNamara’s sends Daniels into another dimension and Morgan takes advantage with a cover!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

There she goes again and this time she didn’t even bother with the disclaimer!

 

… One!

 

… Two!

 

… Thre — Break!

 

PERRY WALLACE

SO CLOSE!!!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I'M SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON WHOAAAAAAA SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON WHOOOAAAA SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON WHOOOAAAA I'M SHIPPING UP… TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!

 

PERRY WALLACE

Before too long Madman will be singing that but with two wooden legs.

 

[Morgan Payne appeared to have this one in the bag, but Michael Hayden springs back into action to make the save. Hayden looks to have regained his composure as he gets to a full mount over Morgan Payne and starts dropping a flurry of palm strikes. Morgan tries to fend off the attack, but Hayden switches to a side mount position and begins launching knee strikes to the body. Michael Hayden stays a step ahead as Morgan goes to protect her ribs, he switches it up and hammers away with elbows to the temple.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well, that’s probably not going to help her case in convincing Perry that she’s not a R word.

 

PERRY WALLACE

There’s no hope for her when it comes to that. She is what she is and I said what I said. She needs to smarten up before she ends up like Burn.

 

[Morgan Payne tries to scramble up to her feet, but Hayden wraps around her hips and picks her straight up onto his shoulder in a dominator lift! The crowd jumps out of their seats thinking this one is over! However, Morgan Payne kicks her legs like crazy and slips out of Hayden’s grasp! The veteran turns around to find his opponent, then BOOM! Payne rams a boot to the midsection and drops him with The Art of Ruin! The sit-out cutter stops Hayden dead in his tracks and the crowd is stunned! Payne looks to finish this off with her signature running knee, but out from left field is Anna Daniels and she flatlines Morgan Payne with the Interrobang Question Mark Kick! Morgan Payne has been sent into the shadow realm with that devastating kick and Anna Daniels slumps on top of her and hooks a leg for the cover!]

 

… One!

 

… Two!

 

… Three!

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here is your winner, ”The Muse” Anna Daniels!

 

[Anna Daniels quickly rolls off of Morgan Payne and defers the traditional hand raise from the referee and slips outside of the ring. The crowd cheers her on but she doesn't appear to be in a celebrating mood as she backpedals up the ramp and never takes her eyes off of her opposition that's been left lying in the ring.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

There you go Eli! Anna the space traveling wizard has done it. She’s successfully traveled through time to learn how to effectively win here tonight. Given one of her opponent’s being Morgan, it seems like a waste of effort considering how bad that little yinzer really is at this thing we call wrestling. 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

If she’s actually from Pittsburgh does she wash her clothes or does she warsh them? And does she put french fries on everything like a fucking re…. Nevermind. We’ll be back in a minute folks.

Keep up with the latest news on the promotion bringing you the future stars of Mixed Martial Arts!

@eMMA_2k20_

[“Play God” by Sam Fender hits throughout! Miles Lucky slinks through the curtain to end up out on the stage. The crowd cheers as Lucky struts down the steel ramp and towards the ring. A young fan stands next to the security barrier holding a fidget spinner that lights up. This encapsulates the attention of Miles for a brief few moments. Lucky regains himself to slide into the ring.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON
Happy Pigeon Day! Still don’t know what the fuck that means. But whatever. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

One of the dumbest things I’ve heard in a long time to be honest.

YOU WERE CRACKING ALL YOUR FINGERS

WITH YOUR EYES FIXED TO THE FLOOR

SOUND IT ECHOED DOWN THE STREET

BY THE MONUMENT YOU HEAR

MIKE DEMPSEY

The following battle is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Union Battleground Warhorse Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, standing 6’2” and weighing in at 180 pounds, he is Miles Lucky! 

 

[The unmistakable sound of hastily generated 1980’s montage music can be heard as “You’re the Best Around” by Joe Esposito hits. Follow that with some sweet eighties laser beams shooting around the audience, you’ve got yourself a guy in his forties who just can’t seem to let go of his childhood.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Hartman’s back at it again but something tells me that his sudden silence is going to lead to his downfall. What did you do to him, Perry? Is he going into WITSEC after this match tonight?

 

PERRY WALLACE

How many times do I have to tell you that isn’t Hartman. That’s a different dude I’m pretty sure both Willie and Hartman were in a backstage segment together on Adrenaline before I did the right thing and closed the doors to help stop the spread of the coronavirus that retards like Morgan Payne spread by going everyone without a mask on and tweeting horny twitter lesbian eyes to any piece of ass and tits on the internet.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I don’t believe you at all. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Believe this dick motherfucker.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

De-escalate this dick.

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

And his opponent, standing 6’ even and weighing in at 205 pounds, from Shaniko, Oregon, he is the fighter that burns hot and can barely be contained, he is the reigning, defending, undisputed Union Battleground Warhorse Champion, THE Willie Pete!

TRY TO BE BEST

‘CAUSE YOU'RE ONLY A MAN

AND A MAN'S GOTTA LEARN TO TAKE IT

TRY TO BELIEVE

THOUGH THE GOING GETS ROUGH

THAT YOU GOTTA HANG TOUGH TO MAKE IT

[Pete doesn’t really care what anyone thinks as he steps through the entrance out onto the stage. He stands before the crowd, trying to remember whether or not he turned the oven off, before he makes his way down the ring ramp.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Yeah, he’s definitely going to disappear after tonight. Look at his clothes. He’s clearly run out of quarters to use at the laundromat he sleeps in.

 

PERRY WALLACE

To be fair, there’s a lot of people on the roster and card tonight that look like they haven’t had a bath or shower in months.

TRY YOUR BEST TO WIN THEM ALL

AND ONE DAY TIME WILL TELL

WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S STANDING THERE

YOU'LL REACH THE FINAL BELL!

YOU'RE THE BEST!

AROUND!

[Once Willie gets to the ring, he climbs the ring steps and casually enters the ring. Casually, like he’s going into the kitchen to make a sandwich, or going into the bathroom to take a shit, casual. He’s so calm, it’s ridiculous. Once it’s clear that he’s one hundred percent prepared and has made peace with the fact that he may soon kill someone, he crosses himself. The referee comes in to take the championship before holding it high into the air. Miles peers over at the fidget spinner once more before the bell echoes throughout!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Oh thank god the match is about to begin. I didn’t think we’d ever get here. So, for those of you who are watching at home let’s remember that the War Horse championship is one that is defended on every show, but the holder of said championship can cash it in for a shot at the Trench War title, currently held by known delinquent Kaven Drell.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Not to be confused with the horse cock championship in DARC back in the day.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I don’t think anyone was confusing it with that.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Happy pigeon day!

 

[DING!]

 

[Willie Pete rushes at Miles with a solid knee to the gut! The maneuver causes the challenger to bend over leading the champion to take hold of him from behind for an inverted atomic drop! Pete backs into the ropes to slingshot himself back at Miles, who staggers up quickly. Lucky comes back with an elbow perfectly timed to nail the charging champion in the nose! Willie takes a step back to reveal a now bloody nose!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

And Willie’s looking like Perry after he backtalked Phe backstage at Adrenaline.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Has she ever accidentally headbutted you? Jesus christ!

 

[Pete wipes the blood from his face before charging at Miles once again! Lucky takes off to counter Willie with a shoulder tackle that sends the champion down on the canvas! Miles gets to his feet and asks the referee for the time. After getting his answer, Lucky wraps up Willie from behind looking for a german suplex! Pete attempts in vain to fight Miles off before being slung over the challenger's head for a wicked suplex into the corner! Willie ends up sitting in the corner in a bit of a daze.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

This is not the sort of start that Willie wanted to have in defense of his championship. It’s almost like we’re using a body double after he disappeared recently.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I mean what in the hell is up with the retards on the card tonight? Why is Miles so concerned with what time it is. Acting like a damn Chris Matthews doing the same dumb thing over and over and over.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

He retired and reset his record so you can’t use that against him. Also you have no right to be critical about who is on the card. We’ve all seen the cards you used to put together.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I didn’t book multiple Raab’s on the same card!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Booking one Raab was booking multiple Raabs. And they all pissed in their nappies.

 

PERRY WALLACE

You are a nasty man, Eli.

 

[Miles slithers over to Pete slowly. Willie continues attempting to regain his bearings while Lucky glares into the eyes of the champion at an uncomfortably close distance. The hot unbearable breath of Miles can be felt by Pete now. Lucky takes a step back and begins yelling at Willie while slinging his arms about! Pete begins to come to. He realizes Miles is screaming about behavioral sinking, but otherwise remains confused. Willie leaps up to catch Lucky with a violent missile drop kick out of nowhere! Pete then rolls up the challenger quickly!] 

 

… One! 

 

… Kick Out! 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Maybe if Miles paid attention to the match instead of doing whatever it was he calls that he wouldn’t have gotten blindsided with the missile dropkick like a dumb fucking pigeon getting sniped with a pellet gun.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Hartman nearly caught him with an American Tommy finishing move too.

 

PERRY WALLACE

We both know Feets is special needs but the people we’ve seen out here so far tonight make him look like a scholar… except for Morgan.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Someone has to make him feel Elite.

 

[Lucky crawls off toward the far corner after kicking out to break the pin. A shoe flies across the ring to hit Pete in the face! Willie rises to his feet with red anger flushing his face. Miles stumbles up out of the corner. He struggles with only one shoe now. Lucky takes off full speed ahead at Pete for only to catch a lariat out of nowhere from the champion! The counter sends Miles into a full spin in the air. The maneuver wows the crowd which gives Pete enough incentive to fall down alongside Lucky to hook a leg!] 

 

… One! 

 

… Kick Out! 

 

[The frustration continues to build for the champion. Lucky stands up to reveal both lips are now busted and bleeding. Willie Pete grins wide at this to show bloody teeth from his nose that has yet to stop bleeding. The two men come right at each other to end up wadded up in a mighty grapple! Willie swings around the lighter Lucky attempting to gain the upperhand only for Lucky to nail him with a headbutt! The violent lick sends Willie back before he comes forward with a headbutt of his own! Blood is flung from both wrestlers and onto the pristine canvas.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well that doesn’t seem very conducive to containing COVID.

 

PERRY WALLACE

At least they don’t have to worry about spreading retard to the other.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Hey man. Happy Pigeon Day.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Tell that to Minneapolis.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I think they’ve used all the pigeons there to set everything on fire.

 

[Miles notices the fidget spinner once more. This causes Lucky to hit the mat before rolling out to the outside floor. Willie and the referee both seem confused by this. Lucky walks slowly toward the preteen in the front row that holds the fidget spinner that can light up. Miles watches it turn in complete amazement. The kid appears stoked that a wrestler has this much interest in his toy he brought from home. Lucky snatches it away in one swift motion! Miles slowly walks away while spinning it and watching the colors illuminate while it turns fast.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Alright now that’s a little uncalled for. What kind of monster takes a toy from a kid?

 

PERRY WALLACE

Didn’t the last Miles and his run-in with children teach us anything?

 

[Willie Pete watches on from inside the ring and waits for a count that never comes. No rules in Union. He rolls his eyes before slithering through the ropes to end up out on the apron. Pete dives off looking for a double axe handle but Miles moves out of the way at the last possible moment! Instead of looking for offense however, Lucky holds up the spinning toy to Willie to look at. Pete, to the amazement of everyone, becomes enthralled by this fidget spinner also! He takes it from Lucky and spins it himself. Pete then watches with wide eyes as it spins, around and around. Miles nails Willie with a solid right hook out of nowhere! Then a left jab! Pete falls back, but keeps his hold on the coveted spinning child’s toy.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Never thought I’d see the day when two grown ass men were fighting over a fidget spinner.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Is that how you’re really identifying Miles? A man that says happy pigeon day every single day.

 

[Willie kicks the charging Lucky in the gut before cradling him up into a powerbomb across the announcers table! The table creaks and cracks, but does not break. Both of Miles’s eyes roll back as he clutches back at his spine. Lucky rocks himself forward up off the table to come face to face with the shocked champion! Miles took the Golden Star Powerbomb and is still up to tell all about it. Lucky reaches out and snatches the fidget spinner from Pete then places it behind him on the commentators table that breaks in two after the spinner is placed on it. Eli nor Wallace can believe that toy finally did the table in!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT NOT AGAIN! FUCK YOUR POWERBOMB, YOUR TOY AND YOUR STUPID PIGEON DAY MILES.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Sucks that you don’t have anywhere to sit your drink for the evening over there. Can’t relate inside of this plexiglass box protected from the dirty air in this great, wonderful state hosting us this fine evening.

 

[Lucky swings around to pick up the toy before spinning it to show the array of lights once more. Miles gets grappled up from behind before being irish whipped into the apron, hard! Lucky rolls on into the ring while holding his midsection. The blood from his busted lips have crusted around his mouth. Both wrestlers continue to bleed from their faces. Willie walks up the steel ring steps slowly. He never takes his gaze from Lucky.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Spilled my fucking chai tea latte all over my new Dolce & Gabbana shoes. That shit is never going to come out. Fuck this match. And fuck your stupid plexiglass.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’ve heard about those in these new rap songs I’ve been listening to lately. Let me tell you man, I miss the ninett--

 

[Off camera the sound of Eli punching and kicking the protective plexiglass barrier around Perry Wallace can be heard.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

What the hell are you doing Eli, you goddamn bully?! This is exactly the shit that Raab was talking about!

 

[Willie creeps back into the ring while watching Miles from the far corner. Pete watches as Lucky stands up and just as Miles begins to turn around, Willie takes off full speed ahead! The champion catches Miles flush on the jaw with a violent bicycle kick to the face! Part of a black footprint can be seen on Lucky’s face as he falls to the mat. He drops the fidget spinner leading Willie to bend over to pick it up only to be rolled up by Miles!] 

 

… One! 

 

… Two! 

 

… Kick Out! 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Jesus Christ, Willie has been dead for weeks now. What the hell is taking so goddamn long?!

 

[More thuds can be heard as Eli continues to hammer away relentlessly at the plexiglass.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT ACTION TO THE RING ELI AND TEACH THOSE IDIOTS HOW TO PROPERLY PUT SOMEONE AWAY FOR THE THREE COUNT!

 

[The sound of a body being knocked to the floor is heard, and then the cameras finally shift to the commentary table where Eli has knocked over one of Perry’s hired hands before jerking on the short, wide door that Perry would have entered in through. The fans erupt as Eli coughs over and over again into the box, and then slams the door shut.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Fuck off Eli, be nice to little Hadley’s grandpa! You fucking animal!

 

[Pete kicks out then rises up to reveal two wide eyes. The shock of nearly losing his championship reads across his face. Willie rolls to his feet while Miles staggers up to meet him! Pete rushes past Lucky to bounce off the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. Lucky swings around to catch the returning Willie with a knee to the gut! This halts his momentum completely leading the challenger to cradle up the head of Pete for a headlock driver! The crowd pops!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I feel better now. Well executed headlock by Miles Blake there. Or. I mean. Miles Lucky.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Unfortunately for us we’re really the lucky ones sitting here calling this fantastic matchup.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You can’t say something is unfortunate and then say we’re lucky to be here calling this match you stupid fuck. 

 

[Willie struggles on the mat while Miles pops up to further rile the crowd! Lucky takes his remaining shoe off on his way to the corner closest to Pete. He leaps up on the middle turnbuckle to bounce on up to the top. Miles throws his shoe at Wallace, who ducks it! An old lady in the front row is not as “Lucky”. The challenger peers back to watch Pete begin to stagger back to both feet. Lucky leaps off the top rope for a picture perfect senton splash onto Willie Pete!] 

 

[Miles rolls to his feet after the high flying maneuver. He hovers above the champion, who continues to push himself on. Miles catches Pete as he stands up. The crowd pops as Lucky catches the champion in a cradle DDT! Miles falls down alongside the champion to swiftly hook a leg as the crowd roars with a singular chant!] 

 

”9 - 30!”

 

PERRY WALLACE

Haha, what?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

They said nine thirty, Perry. I’m not sure if that’s the actual time since my watch was sitting on the table when these assholes broke it.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Maybe the intelligent people of this fine state should learn how to read a watch because it isn’t nine-thirty, not unless Anna forced us to travel back through time without us even knowing it.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

She travels back in time to tell your dad what a bitch he is for conceiving you all the time.

 

… One! 

 

… Two! 

 

… Three! 

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here is your winner, AND NEW Union Battleground Warhorse Champion, Miles Lucky!

 

[Lucky rises up only to look back down at the fallen, Willie Pete. Miles bends down to take up the left balled fist of the former champion. Pete delivers a punch up at him though!  Willie tries to keep the toy but Miles takes hold of his hand before extending the former champion's ring finger. Lucky bends down and bites off the finger in a single sharp bite! The crowd groans before coming undone completely!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You let Sativa kidnap a baby on live tv. Is this really worse?

 

PERRY WALLACE

Yeah, but I didn’t let people bite the local homeless community who more than likely have at least seven types of aids.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

What do you call what Jair did to Cashe then?

 

PERRY WALLACE

G4P.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

This is basically the same thing.

 

[Lucky picks up the finger then snatches the fidget spinner away from Pete before spinning it again with Willie’s own finger to see the pretty colors. The referee comes in from behind to hold the right hand of Miles up, victorious! The ref then tries to hand over the championship, but Miles takes off with the fidget spinner instead. He spins it wildly before holding it up to further rile up the crowd! The referee chases him up the ramp attempting to give the title to its new owner with little success. The medics rush down the ramp to tend to Willie, who now has a missing finger that Miles has. He gets to keep it. Kill Bill rules.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

I can’t wait to see what this guy does with the championship while he’s too busy focused on dumb birds and eating fingers that have been god knows where.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

If anyone knows where Hartman’s hands have been, it’s you

 

PERRY WALLACE

What the fuck?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Up next we’ve got--

 

PERRY WALLACE

HAPPY PIGEON DAY!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

LIKE I WAS SAYING up next we’ve got the first of two last chance matches this evening but I’m sure before we get to that ole Buzz Killington Bryan Williams is going to have something super important to say to all of us, and definitely not something only done to earn an extra half point with the wrestling gods. So let’s go there now.

[Static fills the screen as we cut away from ringside. Visual glitches are seen as the audio pops in and out. Eventually the static settles, as we are left with a dark room. This all feels familiar, it all feels the same as before.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
Hello.

 

[A light turns on, as Bryan pulls down on the cord to the ceiling light. We’re in a small room, trapped here with Bryan. It’s exaggerated by the camera angle, fisheye and stuck right in Bryan’s face.]

 

[The same beats, the same style. We've been here before. Gone down this path before.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
How have you all been?

 

[Bryan pauses, waiting for an answer to be found.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS

I'd be lying if I said I was doing anything other than poorly. We all saw how the last Lights Out went. Now Indi and myself must travel down the same path together, and get our payback. Working together with Indi has been eye opening, to say the least. Our motives aren't corrupted, they aren't driven by selfish desires.

 

[Bryan chuckles to himself.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
Indi is one of the good ones.

 

[A smile appears on Bryan’s face.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
So while we deal with GHB tonight, the future still stays in front of us. No matter what happens here tonight we both know that our path leads us to War of the Worlds.

 

[Bryan pauses. He looks behind himself, the room seems to grow in size as the lights illuminate the room up. A ladder is upright, placed behind Bryan.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
I've been thinking. I rose to the top of this company very quickly, it took everything I had inside of me to do so. I saw a purpose in myself, and I knew what needed to be done. I had a drive and ultimately I was able to accomplish it. My goal was achieved.

 

[Bryan pauses, again.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
Indi, I want you to have your chance to be able to achieve your goals. I want you to have your fair shot at reaching the top here. A straight up match wouldn't do us justice, it wouldn't be enough when it came down to it. You deserve the chance at something more. Remove all chance from the equation, the only way to become Union Battleground Champion will be through ourselves. 

 

[Bryan grows silent, looking at the ladder.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
A ladder match.

 

[Bryan looks back at the camera, it glitches for a second but the mask doesn't appear. Everything stays the same..]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
I won't give you anything other than an opportunity. This will be your one chance, your one chance to do what I did and reach the top.

 

[Bryan smiles.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
A ladder match.

 

[He chuckles.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
I can't see this going good for us both. But the prize is worth the anguish, I can tell you that much.

 

[He smiles.]

 

BRYAN WILLIAMS
You have earned my respect, Indi. Tonight we do battle together, it's only fitting that we end this by battling each other. You have earned that much, at least. I will see you very soon.

 

[Bryan reaches up, pulling the cord as the light goes out. Back to darkness, we cut away from this scene.]

?????

Come on, boy.

 

[A voice awakens the senses before the eyes pick up on a chocolate lab that doesn’t ever seem to stop growing. He’s familiar to anyone who has paid attention to the life and times of Leela Watts in recent months, and his paws that still seem too large for his body plod along happily as the camera follows, turning the corner as he skids and slides along the floor before course correct and dashing to the side of the voice who had called him. Immediately the whole world shifts rapidly as the camera crew sweeps around to get a direct glimpse of Danny Rizzo as he saunters down the hallway, coming to a halt at a door, using two knuckles to knock gently. Before he can even announce himself, Brownie the chocolate lab barks loudly and the door instantly opens up. Chuckling to himself in amusement, Danny gives a nod to the camera and decides to address the audience right away.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

Loyalty. You can’t put a price on it. And when you’ve got it, you know that it’s value is beyond compare. I know that Jason Van Owen and Maxx Bennett think that they’ve got this whole chemistry thing down pat. Just ask them, and they’ll be quick to tell you how great they are. They like to throw around vague statements, you know. We’ve trained together. We’ve been through everything together. We pick each other up when we’re down. But notice how they never really give you any of the details? It’s lip service, really.

 

[He pauses, peeking around the corner as the sounds of laughter and praise can be heard from a distinctly feminine voice.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

Fake it till you make it, that’s one of those token phrases that gets tossed around, you know? But at the end of the day it’s a lie. You can skate by on it once or twice. Hell, you can even catch people off guard with it. But stay under that microscope long enough and eventually what’s really there becomes crystal clear. You want to talk about loyalty? You want to talk about overcoming the tough times together. All you need to do is look at Leela and I. It’s no secret what we’ve been through. Hell, it’s no secret what we’ve put each other through. And yet here we stand. Here I stand. Still fighting for her. Still fighting… for us. Regardless of what happens tonight, that’s not going to change. Because try as you two might, you won’t ever be us. You’ll still just be as shallow and vain as you’ve always been. And Jason, I’m here to tell you… that’s not the way.

 

[Leela Watts just then walks into frame. She smiles at Danny before turning her attention towards the camera]

 

LEELA WATTS

No… that’s definitely not the way. The way definitely isn’t going to be what Maxx views as us bonding. So we’ve had a couple of carefully placed nice tweets. I’m nice to everyone. Maxx thinks that it means that when she is talked about negatively by you that I have to jump in and save her from the comments. Comments she claims doesn’t effect her. She says it goes against my Role Model vibe or whatever. Look. I don’t think I should teach little girls or anyone else to blindly trust when someone is nice to you on the internet. That it somehow bonds you. Especially considering how quick Maxx was to bash my personal life. That’s not having someone’s back either and if anything people should see to not trust snakes in the grass.

 

[Leela shrugged and sighed but Brownie was there to lick her hand and get some head pats before she continued]

 

LEELA WATTS

There’s a fine line between being confident and letting your ego get the best of you. We’ll see if Jason and Maxx crossed that line tonight. You know it’s interesting Danny that you mentioned they are acting like they have this whole chemistry down because look what happens the second they are put in singles matches that still have that tag team undertone to them. It’s less about THEM as a team and more about what they are individually. They’ve already lost sight of the Endgame. While you and I know without a shadow of a doubt that even though these matches are separate.. they are just as important to our tag team and the unity that represents.

 

[Reaching into his pocket, Danny retrieved a neon green tennis ball, immediately garnering the attention of the dog who poked his head around Leela’s legs, tail wagging with fervor. With a simple flick of his wrist, Danny launched the ball down the hallway and in a blur Brownie dashed off after it as Rizzo turned his attention back to the camera.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

It’s one of those things where you’ve just got to actually believe what you say. And when I look at a guy like Jason Van Owen, all I see is a man who doesn’t know who he is. Like I said, one moment you’re captain save-a-ho who doesn’t give a damn about anything. And the next you’re behaving like a completely different person. But what you see with me, and what you see with Leela, is what you get. And what you get are two people who, in spite of all of the storms of life and the turmoil that sometimes arises, are still here for each other. Still walking out to the ring putting our best foot forward for each other. It’s not about singles accolades. It’s not about individual accomplishments. This…

 

[Danny points between himself and Leela as Brownie returns, romping back happily with tennis ball in tow.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

This is what loyalty looks like. This is what a team truly is. When the two of you eventually flame out like you’re bound to do, you’ll go your separate ways and that’ll be the end of it. But Leela and I? If there’s one thing we’ve proven together, and apart… it’s that we’ve got staying power. And no matter what happens tonight? We’re not going anywhere. We’re going to keep beating and pounding on that door until we knock it the fu-

 

[A cursory glance from Leela cuts him off and causes him to reword his statement on the fly.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

Knock it down. I’ve been through flaming tables. Light tubes. I’ve watched her get busted open by an elbow intended for her head. And she’s still here by my side, and I’m still here right by hers. We’re not going anywhere. In fact, when we’re done tonight, we’ll be walking into War of the Worlds beating down your door all over again.

 

[Leela had been trying to wrestle the ball away from Brownie while Danny was speaking and she had finally managed to get it from him before throwing it down the hallway and watching Brownie chase after it. She giggled a little bit before realizing Danny was waiting for her.]

 

LEELA WATTS

I’ve already made it clear that NOBODY is going to stand in our way. We’ve already been through hell and back. You’re going to have to bring more to the table besides penis jokes and ego. You need to bring more to the table then what you THINK you know about Danny and I. It’s sink or swim time.. and I’m up first.. and I won’t let us down… I won’t let YOU down. 

 

[Leela looked towards with a smile and a nod.]

 

DANNY RIZZO

Be the star we all know you are.

 

[Danny held out his fist for her to bump, which she reciprocated before giving him a quick hug and heading off to get ready to make her way out to the ring. A moment later Brownie appeared at Danny’s side, depositing the ball at his feet. Softly, Danny chuckled and knelt down to pick it up. As he did so, the lights in the hallway flickered and dimmed but never quite went fully out. Still, Danny immediately tensed up and began to look up and down the hallway, clearly searching for the figure of one man in particular. Not spotting him, he picked the ball up and rolled it into Leela’s locker room and quickly followed Brownie in as he chased after it, shutting the door behind both of them.]

MIKE DEMPSEY

The following battle is scheduled for one fall, and it is a Last Chance Match! Introducing first, currently standing in the ring, standing 5’5” and weighing in at 125 pounds, from Los Angeles, California, she is Maxx Bennett!

 

[Maxx Bennett blows a kiss out to the cheering crowd and shakes her ass to really get them going. She smiles then looks on toward the main stage.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Eli, have I told you about that time Mike Powers met up with Maxx after a 4CW show?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I think you’ve told me about that before, yes.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m pretty sure that’s how this whole coronavirus started.

I STAY OUT TOO LATE, GOT NOTHIN' IN MY BRAIN

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY, MMM HMM, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY, MMM HMM

I GO ON TOO MANY DATES, BUT I CAN'T MAKE 'EM STAY

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY MMM MMM, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY MMM MMM

[Leela bursts through the curtain with a bubbly smile on her face as the music plays. As she poses on the top of the ramp the fans erupt in a loud cheers. She begins to walk down the ramp slapping fans hands on both sides of the ramp. Running back and forth trying not to miss anyone. She stops at a young girl and takes off one of her bracelets giving it to the young fan who is very excited about this before she walks away and looks towards the ring.]

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

And her opponent, standing 5’2” and weighing in at 110 pounds, from Cincinnati, Ohio, she is Leela Watts!

 

[Leela jumps up on the apron and slides into the ring before walking over and jumping on both sides of the ropes facing the audience. The bubbly smile never leaves her face as she poses and soaks in the cheers from the fans.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

And there’s sweet, innocent Leela, a role mod--

 

[Before Leela can get settled into her corner, Maxx Bennett rushes across the ring and crashes in with a flying forearm! The referee quickly calls for the bell to get this match officially started.]

 

[DING!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Excuse you, Maxx! I was talking here!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

She was getting DP’d on the regular. Is she really a role model?

 

PERRY WALLACE

Possibly for Maxx?

 

[Leela gets blindsided from behind and nearly topples over the ropes. Maxx drags her down from the turnbuckle and continues throwing elbow strikes to the back of the head. The majority of the crowd boo Bennett for the underhanded tactic, but she doesn’t pay much attention to it. Maxx grabs the platinum locks of Leela and starts smashing her face into the turnbuckle padding. Maxx finishes off the corner attack by dragging Leela’s face across the top rope before throwing her to the mat with a forceful hip toss.]

 

[The crowd now has almost completely turned on Bennett at this point, and with Watts dazed on the ground, Maxx taunts the fans with a sarcastic pouting face and gesturing a tear falling down her cheek. Leela begins to stir and work back up to a base, but as she slowly gets to her knees, Maxx walks over and slaps Leela across the face! Leela responds in kind, drilling Maxx with a left hand that drops her on her ass. Maxx scurries to get to her feet, trying to get away from Leela as best as she can. Maxx gets to her feet, only for Leela to jump and Clothesline her over the top rope to the outside!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Down goes Maxx over the top and down to the ground on her back just like any other day that ends in Y.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Remember that Toby kid that you hired in 4CW? The one who looked like he was doing meth? I heard Maxx is responsible for his disappearance. He might actually be dead, unlike Burn.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I wouldn’t be surprised if he got lost in those beef curtains that Manny exposed to the entire world on that one Adrenaline.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well, it’s a good thing nobody ever watched any of Manny’s matches then.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Don’t be mean.

 

[Maxx falls out of the ring, leaning against the barricade for a moment. Leela quickly leaves the ring, not wanting to give Maxx a chance at resting. She tries to attack Maxx, who fights back with a series of strikes and a knee to Leela’s stomach. With Leela doubled over, Maxx quickly sends her into the nearby steel steps! Leela lands hard, crashing into the steps as Maxx gets back into the ring. The crowd here boos her, as Leela tries to get back up. Maxx quickly leaves the ring, looking to bring Leela back into the ring to pin her. Maxx gives her a nice forearm shot, and smashes her head onto the ring apron for good measure. With Leela out of it, Maxx quickly rolls her into the ring.]

 

[Maxx finally gets Leela back into the ring, but Leela is already crawling on her hands and knees. Maxx, not deterred by this, looking for an opportunity. Leela tries getting back up, just as Maxx tries to send a knee into her jaw. Leela is able to catch Maxx at the last second, driving her backwards and taking her down to the mat! Before Leela can capitalize, Maxx uses her feet to push Leela away! Maxx gets to her feet, and quickly takes Leela down with a Snap DDT! Maxx quickly drops down, covering Leela for the pin!]

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

...KICK OUT!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

WOW…. A KICKOUT!

 

PERRY WALLACE

What was so special about that kickout to deserve a wow?

 

[Maxx looks annoyed, as the referee tells her it’s only a two count. Maxx continues her assault, stomping away at the back of Leela’s head. Maxx yells at Leela, saying some unsavory things towards her. She picks Leela up again, pulling her right into a Side Headlock. Maxx uses this time to taunt Leela, and the audience, as she continues to talk shit inside of the ring. However, this only seems to fuel the fire that burns deep inside of Leela. It isn’t long before Leela is able to slip out, as she connects with a European Uppercut to Maxx! Maxx tries getting to her feet, but Leela is able to take her down with a Headscissors Takedown! Maxx is reeling here, getting backed up into the corner as Leela charges in. She goes for a Splash, but Maxx moves out of the way in time! Leela stumbles backwards, as Maxx tries to roll her up for the pin! She even holds onto Leela’s clothes!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Maxx trying to rip Leela’s clothes off while also pinning her. This is starting to turn into my kind of match right here.

 

PERRY WALLACE

You better not be getting any ideas over there or I’ll call my little princess right the fuck now.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

One, she won’t answer. It takes too much energy for her to reach her phone from the couch. And two, this is like child’s play compared to how Gen and I first met.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Oh, you mean when you cut off the handicap access ramp to your heart with your ex?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That’s exactly what I mean.

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

KICK OUT!

 

[Maxx yells at the referee for counting too slowly, he jaws back with her for a moment. Maxx briefly takes her eyes off of Leela, as Leela crawls back to her knees. Maxx turns back to her opponent, who quickly tries to roll her up into an inside cradle! Maxx easily gets out of it though, getting back to her feet. Leela tries for a European Uppercut, but Maxx ducks under it. Maxx hits the ropes, looking for a Clothesline, but Leela ducks under and runs to the ropes herself. Maxx stays there, for a moment as she’s caught up, but Leela quickly connects with a Running Dropkick to the side of Maxx’s head!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Props to Leela for getting her legs up over Maxx’s giant titties to kick her in the face.

 

PERRY WALLACE

They look a little odd shaped don’t you think?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Yeah, I think her one implant had an avalanche.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Rest in peace Biggs, Jessie and Wedge.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Surprise, Wedge lives in the new game.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Bye.

 

[Maxx falls back to the mat, as Leela grabs her and pulls her into a Russian Leg Sweep. Maxx hits the mat hard, but still has some fight left in her! She knocks Leela backwards, connecting with a Dropkick that sends Leela to the mat! Leela gets back up, and Maxx knocks her down again with another Dropkick! Leela gets back up, and finally ducks a third Dropkick from Maxx. Leela grabs Maxx, trying for another Russian Leg Sweep. Maxx grabs hold of Leela’s arms, and tries to slide under Leela in an attempt to trap her into a pin! Leela drops to a knee, breaking an arm free in the process. She cuts to the back of Maxx, tangling up Maxx as she threads her arms through the legs of Maxx. Leela quickly shifts her weight, turning the move into a kind of German Suplex!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You know one thing I learned about commentating is that when you don’t know what the fuck a move is, but it looks like one you do know what it is, you just add the word modified in front of it and it all works out. Like right now. Great modified German suplex from Leela!

 

PERRY WALLACE

Or you just do like I do and follow in Vassa’s steps and talk about absolute random gibberish instead of what’s actually going on because let’s be honest here. Everyone is just going to fast forward to the ending anyway.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That’s not true. Someone out there is going to watch and listen closely to everything that we say so that they can cry about it in the DMs somewhere.

 

[Leela looks to the crowd, who look fired up to see her like this. Leela quickly realizes where her hands have been. She scurries under the ropes, heading towards Wallace’s position at the commentary table. She snatches his hand sanitizer, quickly using it to clean her hands.]

 

[Leela slides back into the ring, just as Maxx gets back up to her feet. Leela ducks under a charging Maxx, springing back up to her feet to connect with a Jawbreaker! Maxx stumbles backwards into the corner, allowing Leela to connect with a Running Dropkick that stuns Maxx! With her opponent hurt, Leela quickly lifts her up onto the top turnbuckle. Another left hand lands, from Leela, as she climbs up with Maxx to connect with the Watts Up! The Moonsault Side Slam drives Maxx into the mat, as Leela has complete control of the match now!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Leela’s got her right where she needs her and if she can keep it up things aren’t looking too good for Maxx.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Have you seen the R word she’s dating? Things haven’t been looking too good for Maxx for a long time.

 

PERRY WALLACE

What retard is dumb enough to date the village whore?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Chris Matthews, probably. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

He tried to peg Manny once.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That’s the female Chris Matthews. Not the bearded one

 

PERRY WALLACE

Both share the same extra Y.

 

[Maxx tries again to get to her feet, but it’s really no use at this point. Leela slips behind her, jumping up onto her shoulders. Maxx tries to fight, but Leela lands a couple of shots, allowing her to connect with the Leela Bomb! The Poisonrana drives Maxx head first into the ring, leaving nothing left for her as Leela quickly covers her for the pin!]

 

...One! 

 

...Two!

 

...Three!

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here is your winner, Leela Watts! 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Leela blocked me on twitter and the social media Gods smited her for it. But I’m a forgiving and understanding man, so I’ll let it slide and be happy for her tonight.

 

PERRY WALLACE

She literally just followed me like three minutes ago.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I’m talking about her old account you fat fuck.

 

[As Leela celebrates her victory, claiming the first of two last chance match victories, the lights around the arena flicker and dim causing the crowd to buzz for a moment, but soon enough they go back to normal and the referee raises Leela’s hand in the air to declare her the winner.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Did they forget to pay the light bill here?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I’m going to forget to pay the bills for my company soon too.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Amen to that. It’s hard to pay the bills with a quarter attendance permitted in the arenas.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Not really, because unlike 99.9% of the other wrestling companies in the world we’re not trying to sell out 60,000 seat stadiums for our first few shows.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I hated geometry class as well.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Anyway, that win against Maxx means that Watts and Rizzo are fifty percent of the way toward getting into that Battalion Championship match at War of the Worlds. If Danny can do his part later tonight, and not get distracted by the spawn of satan that calls herself Winter Drell, they’ll get a chance at revenge from Lights Out 37, and have the opportunity to become the next champs here in Union Battleground.

DANNY MacNAMARA

I hate being confined.

 

[Random, out of nowhere, his voice was hitting the ether without so much as a warning before the black faded in to none other than Daniel and Dakota. Danny, looking cagey as ever, was sitting on the edge of that couch, his blue eyes focused on the camera, his elbows on his knees, fingers steepled.]

 

DANNY MacNAMARA

But here we are, facing two children playing a game that there are consequences to that they can’t seem to fathom. Bryan, on one hand, still being the same, dumb, chicken that he always is. Prideful, unable to accept the defeats he’s been continually handed. On the other? Indi, who wants to prod and needle, and pretend that she’s all seeing prophetic.

 

[The man snorted before sitting up, looking over at Dakota.]

 

DANNY MacNAMARA

What wayward lambs Union sends to us.

 

[The butcher was seated on the opposite edge of the couch, finishing up the taping of his right arm. As pulls the tape so tight that it snaps off the roll, he gives Danny a side eye.]

 

DAKOTA SMITH

She thinks I’m obsessed… That our little dance touched in such a way that I would let it derail my mission.

 

[He snarls, lip curling up to one side as he turns to give Danny his full attention.]

 

DAKOTA SMITH

Her and Bryan, two sheep from the same flock, the wayward lambs... But we’ll guide them back to their destruction, to their end. Do you feel it like I feel it Danny?

 

[Sniffing the air, Dakota was almost like a different person than he would be away from the ring. But this close to the violence, this close to something important - he had morphed into what some would call The Butcher. But it’s much more than that, like a shark who smells blood or a sniper right before they take the shot - his bloodlust settling in.]

 

DAKOTA SMITH

It’s almost time.

 

[Oh, the look on Daniel’s face. A smile, but one that didn’t reach his eyes, the usual kind of smile that preceded violence from him. He was already fishing out the pack of Japanese Seven Stars from his pocket, plucking out a cancer stick as his eyes remained on the camera.]

 

DANNY MacNAMARA

Do you want to see what a caged wolf looks like, Bryan? Indi? It never ends fucking well for the people in there with it.

 

[Sneering, Daniel lipped the cancer stick and stood up, cutting a look over to Dakota in that moment. He hadn’t answered him from before, but now? He simply offered the cigarette pack to him.]

DANNY MacNAMARA

I feel it, but it also feels like we’re going through the motions. We beat them, they hide behind excuses and facades and fantasies of it being so much more than it is.

 

[Taking the pack, flicking one up to his lips and standing up himself, Dakota grins a very manic grin.]

 

DAKOTA SMITH

The motions are the best, they keep you sharp. I’ve been at the bottom of the barrel, and I’ve been higher than a fucking kite on top of this fucking industry… And I’ve felt more like myself when i’m tearing flesh from those who barely even fucking deserve it… The motions, the process… When i’m wearing their blood?

 

[Turning the camera, Dakota just chuckles - his eyes dilated and wide open as he slowly backed away, letting Danny take center stage. The redhead just offered a slightly warmer smile, one of understanding before he clasped the back of the older man’s neck, gently butting his head to his before backing off.]

 

DANNY MacNAMARA

Then let’s carve a message for Union into the bodies of their would be defenders.

 

[And with that, Danny released him, the camera fading as they walked to the exit of the room.]

MIKE DEMPSEY

The following battle is scheduled for one fall and is a Battalion Match! Introducing first, standing 6’2” and weighing in at 240 pounds, from The Depths of Hell, he is “The Butcher” Dakota Smith!

 

[The finger splitting, ear shattering licks of “Your Disposal” by Cattle Decapitation bursts throughout the arena in a violent rage as the entire arena goes black. White strobe lights flicker at the entrance ramp, as a thick black smoke obscures the stage. After a few moments, Dakota appears in the middle of the smoke - as if he just materialized there. 4CW is in the house. Smith’s eyes are dead set on the ring, as the strobe light flickers, giving a slow-mo effect as he cracks his neck to the left and then to the right. As vicious snarl forms on his cracked lips, piercing through his beard he starts to march his way down to the ring.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That noise you just heard was Perry Wallace’s dick getting hard as his long time boyfriend finally showed up.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Don’t make this gay you prick. I’m not trying to be on an Ante Up poster with him.

YOU ALONE ARE YOUR DISPOSAL.

A LIFETIME OF STAINS, WASTING AWAY SLOWLY DOWN THE DRAIN.

NO MERCY, NO REPRISAL.

NO SECOND CHANCE!

[As the growl from that last line penetrates throughout the arena, Dakota begins to march down to the ring. His boot steps are heavy, and his arms twitch and tingle at his sides as he seemingly growls and argues with himself underneath his breath. The strobe light gives everything a rather abstract horror effect as the butcher lashes out some unsuspecting fans at ringside. Dakota cockily grins as he runs his fingers down one of the scars on his stomach, chuckling to himself before continuing to make his way down to the ring, a bit more aggression in his stride.]

 

[Rolling in under the bottom rope Dakota plants his fists into the mat and pushes himself up. As he gets to his feet a deranged, almost animistic grin twists across his face. As the butcher stands in the center of the ring with his head turned down towards the mat the strobe-light ceases, just in time for him to lift his head up and let out a small chuckle. Rolling his neck around his shoulders, Dakota backs himself into his corner and takes a seat - waiting for the match to begin.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

So, Perry, do you think you could get Dakota to hook me up with a good T-Bone. A porterhouse would be okay too. Maybe some flank steaks. The bovine kind.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Hold on, I have to look that word up real quick.

 

[Perry looks at his phone for a moment.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

Maybe?

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

And his partner, standing 6’3” and weighing in at 179 pounds, from Armagh, Northern Ireland, he is the reigning and undisputed NVR Wrestling World Champion, Daniel MacNamara!

 

[Daniel appears on the stage with his championship as “Bring Me The Disco King” by David Bowie and James Maynard hits throughout. MacNamara gets the crowd riled up almost immediately. Boo’s come down as he almost struts to the ring. MacNamara walks up the rings steps before gliding between the ropes to take center stage.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

OI OI OI OI OI OI OI OI OI OI OI OI TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIE

 

PERRY WALLACE

I thought things were bad enough with the other group of oi’s you know but then some retard thought it would be a good idea to make another group that are dumber than Danny Gordy cutting a promo on Panera Bread.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS A LONG RUN

 SHOOK MY HEAD AND MY WAY HOME. 

BUT WHEN I TURNED I LAID MY EYES ON A DIRTY ANGEL WITH A BROKEN HALO.

SPIRITS LEAD ME TO THE OTHER SIDE

MIKE DEMPSEY

And their opponents, first, standing 5’5” and weighing in at 130 pounds, from Los Angeles, California, she is ”The Galactic Princess” Indi Rhyder!

KARMA, KARMA, KARMA, KARMA, KARMA CHAMELEON

YOU COME AND GO, YOU COME AND GO

♫​

['Karma Chameleon' by the Culture Club hits over the PA System, and Indi Rhyder skips out onto the stage to a pretty big ovation. She leaps back and forth along the stage, a huge bubbly smile placed upon her lips. She turns to give the camera a wink as she passes on by down the ramp, slapping hands as she goes.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

YESSSS BLESS US COACHELLA QUEEN.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Um...what?

 

[The Interstellar Star Child slithers beneath the bottom rope to end up in the ring. She nods at James, who acknowledges her back in a show of respect. Rhyder then winks at Daniel before climbing up on the turnbuckle in the opposite corner in order to further rile this already pumped crowd! She leaps down before standing in the corner directly across from Dakota and Daniel.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I don’t know what it means to be an interstellar star child but that’s what she is. And she and the Union Battleground Champion look to get some revenge against Dakota Smith and Daniel MacNamara tonight after suffering defeat in singles action to both at Lights Out 37

 

PERRY WALLACE

I find myself a little torn. As much as I would love to see Dakota win here tonight, I want to see the ginger get murdered in the center of the ring even more.

GINGER, THIS IS SARAH.

PICK UP IF YOU'RE THERE.

I'M AT THIS PLACE ON PICO BOULEVARD CALLED TECH NOIR...

♫​

MIKE DEMPSEY

And her partner, standing 6’2" and weighing in at 219 pounds, from San Antonio, Texas, he is the reigning and undisputed Union Battleground Champion, Bryan Williams! 

 

[The introduction of the song is sudden, we hear an ominous tone that follows the Terminator line. The keys are dragged out, lingering in the air as the song gets to a slow start. Seconds pass, as a backing track is finally introduced along with the lengthy notes. Eventually, after a minute, the song really kicks into gear. Neon strobe lights flash along with the beat, a shadowy figure keeps in the darkness. Slowly, we see Bryan Williams methodically walk out from the back. Williams wears the top trophy in Union Battleground around his waist. He's dressed for a fight, his jacket covering his torso and his baseball bat in hand. It rests comfortably on his shoulder as it keeps its dangerous message. The chicken mask on his head stays contrasted with the neon lights and the darkness. Bryan keeps his head low, as the song continues to play along. The techno beat ramps up more and more, as the lights around him shimmer and dance.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN! Skynet has fallen, Wallace. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

It only took my son stepping away for him to finally be able to put on that chicken mask.

 

[The song continues to play, as Bryan stands on the top of the ramp. With his head down, Bryan lets the baseball bat fall from his shoulder, the weight of the bat being pulled towards the ground. His head snaps forward, as he slowly begins to make his way down towards the ring.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

So, Williams brought a bat to the ring. Do you think that will come into play at all tonight? Since there’s really no point in having a referee when there’s no rules. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m sure it will be used at some point tonight. Why the fuck do ladders get brought in out of nowhere from underneath the ring?

 

[Williams props his bat up against the ring steps, then climbs the steps to glide through the ropes. This crowd stands behind this guy firmly. Indi stands in the ring ready to begin this one for her team, while MacNamara stands ready in his own corner.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

The fans want to see Williams and Dakota, but instead we’re going to get Indi and Danny MacNamara to kick things off. Before the bell rings, though, I’m sure Wallace will have some incoherent nonsense to blurt out about badgers.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Actually I didn’t have anything that came to mind but I’m sure something will come up before this match is over.

 

[DING!]

 

[Indi dashes right for Daniel, who plants his right foot to swing around his left for a brutal roundhouse kick that catches The Butterfly flush on the jaw! Indi hits the mat and MacNamara rushes in to bend down and flip her over on the canvas. He then bends further down to cradle her up off the mat for a deadlift german suplex that he transitions into a pin!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I imagine that somewhere backstage all of the remaining Genocidal Hate Brigade members are busy fucking each other in the ass, but out here Dakota looks very pleased with that German suplex.

 

...One! 

 

...Kick Out! 

 

[Rhyder rolls over on her side only to find Daniel already up above her! He quickly works her up to both feet before attempting an Irish whip towards the far that Indi counters with one of her own! Daniel hits the far corner with a violent thud! He swings around while clutching at his chest only to find Rhyder flying at him for a splash! Daniel stumbles forward out of the corner after the impact. This leads Indi to bounce up onto the middle turnbuckles in order to reach the top. Daniel hits one knee in the center of the ring. He stands back up before swinging around to find Rhyder flying through the air at him for a wicked Mollygoround!] 

 

"COOL-RHYDER!"

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I guess that’s what she calls that move. I didn’t really do any research on any of these people. If I remember right Dakota has some move that he calls SWALLOW MY JIZZ or MURDER FUCK MACHINE. Or something along those lines. And Williams has something called OH SHIT I HIT MY HEAD AGAIN. But that’s really all I know.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I thought Dakota had a finisher with the spectrum in it or something along those lines in honor of Williams?

 

[Indi lands near her own corner. She peers up to see the Union Battleground champion reaching a right hand out at her. Indi accepts the tag!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Being the expert at basketball and also tag team wrestling that I am, it’s good to see Indi and Williams showing solid chemistry and being willing to relinquish the spotlight to one another. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Timeout. When did you become an expert at basketball. You aren’t my baby boy, Bronx.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Taught him everything he knows. If he had listened to me in that shitty tag team tournament before Retrograde we wouldn’t have lost in the first round.

 

[Bryan bounces through the ropes with purpose! Daniel catches him with a sucker punch out of nowhere! The violent lick rocks the company's top champion allowing MacNamara to reach The Butcher in his corner! Williams realizes this and grimaces with real disappointment while Daniel grins in the corner after depriving Bryan of his revenge.] 

 

[Williams makes a mad dash at MacNamara, but gets cut off by Dakota with a blindside clothesline! Bryan falls through the ropes to end up bouncing off the apron and down onto the unforgiving concrete floor! Smith walks over to the ropes in only what could be described as a sadistic strut. Bryan pops suddenly to reach beneath the bottom rope to pull at both heels of The Butcher! Dakota is swept off his feet completely and hits the back of his head with real force. Williams slides in and immediately cradles a leg of the former Union Battleground champ!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Williams looking to steal this match.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Of course he’s looking for the easy win!

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

BROKEN UP! 

 

[MacNamara stomps the pin out! He then continues to put a right heel to Williams even after achieving breaking it up. Indi leaps up on the turnbuckles from the apron. Daniel continues to stomp down on Williams, who attempts in vain to cover up on the mat! Smith whistles loudly, leading MacNamara to swing around to find Indi flying at him for a diving spear! The crowd pops as the Intergalactic Star Child rolls out of the ring to make her way back to her team's corner.] 

 

[Smith rolls to his feet to find his partner now down on the mat. Daniel stumbles up to both feet to look for Indi but ends up arguing with his partner, Dakota. He appears to believe Smith intentionally whistled so Indi could nail him off guard. Resentment grows out of control between the two before Williams pushes Daniel from behind, out of nowhere! He falls into Smith, who falls through the ropes to end up on the outside floor! Williams takes off toward the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. Rhyder smacks his back just as he hits the ropes from behind! Tag made! Williams pays that little mind as Smith gets to one knee to become eye level with the apron. Bryan hits the mat to baseball slide into Dakota beneath the bottom rope! The right heel of the company champion smashes into the jaw of The Butcher with real velocity. Dakota hits the concrete floor.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Again, a team that hasn’t really spent much time together is showing some pretty nice teamwork skills. Nice blind tag by Indi there, lets see if she can take advantage of that baseball slide that wiped Dakota out.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Why would anyone ever need to wrestle together to form some kind of chemistry in a tag team match?

 

[Williams peers at Indi with an expression of disappointment before rolling out of the ring to go after Smith. Rhyder glides through the ropes while Bryan works the former top champion back into the ring. Indi continues towards him only to catch a claymore kick from her blindside from MacNamara! Rhyder hits the canvas in a daze while Danny Boi rushes back to this corner.] 

 

[Bryan leaps up on the apron in his teams corner to see this happen. Williams glides through the ropes and goes straight for Daniel! MacNamara holds his hands behind his back while Bryan approaches him. Just as Williams gets to Daniel, he hits him with his own baseball bat! It was a short swing, but effective, nonetheless.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

There’s a kid called the Hometown Slugger that’s starting to make waves on the independent scene, but Daniel MacNamara just hit a home run using Bryan Williams face as a baseball.

 

PERRY WALLACE

It’s a damn shame he didn’t bust the guts out of it like on The Sandlot.

 

[Bryan falls down on the mat then rolls out of the ring. Williams ends up on his hands and knees on the outside floor as Dakota begins to crawl towards MacNamara in the corner. Daniel tosses the bat down at Williams and hits him in the spine! He writhes in pain on the concrete floor while MacNamara mocks him and reaches out for a tag.] 

 

[Smith reaches his feet as he approaches Indi in the center of the ring.  She remains down on her back after the blindside shot by MacNamara. The Butcher steps on her throat with all his weight on his way to tag in MacNamara. Daniel tags in and dashes through the ropes! He rolls up Rhyder for a pin!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Dakota might have just crushed her windpipe putting all four hundred and eighty five pounds, or however the fuck much he weighs, right down onto her throat. Daniel goes for the quick cover.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Four hundred eighty-five pounds? Motherfucker he ain’t Redd’s fat ass.

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

BROKEN UP! 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

AND WILLIAMS MAKES THE SAVE! Just in the nick of time too. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

He had plenty of time. No way little Danny boy is putting away anyone without some outside interference involved.

 

[Williams pulls Daniel off of Rhyder to cradle him up for a blue thunder bomb! Bryan rolls to his feet before spitting down at MacNamara. Rhyder watches this from the mat before leaping to her feet in a single bound! Dakota bounces through the ropes from his team's corner to rush at Bryan for a clothesline over the top rope! Smith caught him completely off guard, but manages to hold on to bring Dakota along for the ride! Both men bounce off the apron violently before hitting the outside floor.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

And both men get wiped out by the momentum of Dakota’s clothesline. I still don’t know how you get pulled all the way over the top rope by someone who literally has nothing to leverage themselves with but hey, it happens all the time so whatever!

 

PERRY WALLACE

They just grab on to whatever they can get their arms around and pull it overboard. It’s kind of hard not to go up and over when you’re running into it.

 

[Bryan hits the floor awkward and ends up in a slight daze. Dakota landed on Williams on the floor which eased the blow. He pops up before stumbling over to the announcers table to regain his bearings. He speaks to his friends on commentary briefly. One of the many security guards turns around near the ring steps and suddenly leaps over the security barrier. He takes off a riot helmet to reveal Dick Devereax! He reaches inside his vest to pull out a large butcher knife! Dick then yanks the vest off to reveal a butcher's apron. The blood splattered garment has seen better days. Wallace and Eli notice him before pointing this out to Dakota. Smith swings around to see the madman holding the shiny large knife at him! Meanwhile, inside the ring, Indi charges at MacNamara from behind! Daniel pushes himself up off the mat only to catch a bulldog from behind that smashes his face into the canvas! Indi then heads for the closest corner in a hurry.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

And Perry Wallace’s second favorite person in the world is here! Having disguised himself as one of the security guards tasked with keeping Kaven Drell from causing problems this evening.

 

PERRY WALLACE

What does he plan on doing with that knife exactly? The police would be on him before he could even leave the building. Fucking idiot.

 

[Smith looks on from the outside of the ring, but everytime he makes a move to intervene, Dick swings the butcher knife at him! Indi climbs the turnbuckles inside the ring while Devereax rips the apron away before slowly dragging the knife across his own chest! Blood flows down and now Smith knows he will cut him if Dick will cut himself for fun. Indi reaches the top but Daniel pulls her down! She lands on her feet and swings around to catch MacNamara with an elbow shot that knocks him down to one knee! The crowd pops as she knees him in the face! Smith watches on helplessly as Williams climbs back up on the apron at his teams corner.] 

 

[Rhyder rushes at the corner to leap up on the top turnbuckle in a seated position to bounce back onto Daniel MacNamara with Kharmic Trip! The crowd loses it as she cradles a leg!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That’s got to be it!

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

...Three! 

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Damn, Perry. That’s twice now Williams has beaten your former client in recent memory. Even if he didn’t get the pin this time. Are you just going to let Dick Devereaux keep fucking him over like this?

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m not even going to blame little Dick for this one. I’m putting all the blame on the shitty partner Dakota was paired up with tonight. Leave it to Danny to blow the match for them both.

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here are your winners, the team of Indi Rhyder and Bryan Williams! 

 

[Indi rolls to her feet as the referee raises her hand high. A ring grip hands Bryan his Union Battleground Championship while Dick holds the knife up at Dakota still. Williams glides through the ropes, where the ref raises his hand high as well. Bryan comes face to face with Indi, who just defeated a man, who just defeated Williams. Resentment runs high as Williams holds his championship high while staring into the eyes of one, Indi Rhyder.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Oh you can tell tensions are running high here. Williams and Rhyder managed to work well together for the most part here this evening. And that’s how quick the wrestling business will turn friends into enemies. Tonight, they’re teammates. The next time they enter into the same building under the Union Battleground banner, it’ll be with the Union Battleground Championship on the line.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I hope COVID takes me before then.

[Backstage Van Owen was sitting with a young woman who was considerably shorter than him. Different hair, goofy tattoos that were all seemingly Pokemon or Star Wars oriented. Whereas Van Owen was in his ring gear? She was just rockin’ converses, jean shorts, and a “VIIIIBE CHECK!” T-Shirt. There was a striking resemblance between the two, mostly because she was his younger sister. Concerned? Not at all, she’d seen him in countless fights long before his career had even started, that’s why she wasn’t showing a single sign of worry.]

 

CATHERINE VAN OWEN

Penny for your thoughts

 

JASON VAN OWEN

Think they’re worth that much?

 

CATHERINE VAN OWEN

I don’t know. If Cuckie Rizzo kills you, they might be worth a whole dollar.

 

[Jason snorted, reaching over to ruffle his kid sister’s hair before pulling his hand back.]

 

JASON VAN OWEN

He’ll have to to keep me down, ‘Reenie. I’m made out of tougher stuff, I’d like to think. Besides. Can’t let Maxx win and then me drop the ball. She’d never let me hear the end of that shit.

 

CATHERINE VAN OWEN

Neither would Aria.

 

JASON VAN OWEN

Blondes are both the bane of my existence and the best things in my life.

 

CATHERINE VAN OWEN

Same, man. Same.

 

[Jason shook his head, seeing the smirk on Catherine’s face. He just nodded to the door.]

 

JASON VAN OWEN

Go get situated, I got some things I need to say, Kiddo. Go on.

 

[Once Catherine left, Jason sighed and looked back to the camera.]

 

JASON VAN OWEN

It’s crunch time. Main event. Me an’ Rizzo. Danny, Daniel. Apex. UnYielding. You may beat me tonight, but you’re gonna take the worst beating of your whole fucking life just to pull it off, my friend. I’m gonna make you pay for every drop of blood with one of your own, and that’s not on me talking about some lame deathmatch bullshit. I’ve got something to prove still, Rizzo. You think you’re doing this for your partner? I’m doing this for mine. Maxx ain’t my girlfriend, she’s my partner. We’re in this shit till we can’t be. That’s my best friend. You underestimated us since day one. You do it again? I’ll leave the reminders of why and how you fucked up deep in your flesh.

 

[Pausing, Van Owen took a moment to breathe.]

 

JASON VAN OWEN

...See you soon, Rizzo.

 

[Reaching over, he just flicked the camera off.]

[“Paranoid” by Post Malone blasts throughout! The crowd has mixed feelings about the man, who suddenly struts across the stage. Van Owen appears unimpressed by this capacity crowd as he begins to slowly make his way down the entrance ramp.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

It’s all up to Jason Van Owen now if he wants to keep the Battalion Championship match at War of the Worlds to just two teams. Maxx Bennett fell a bit short in taking care of business earlier this evening so now the second of two last chance matches awaits.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Boy oh boy this guy seems like quite the interesting character. He seems familiar to be honest, just like a handful of other shitty wrestlers I’ve been seeing lately on the TL that remind me of that inbred piece of shit, Dookie Fartnote.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Sometimes it’s like you’re speaking an entirely different language than the rest of us.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I apologize, everyone. Sometimes when I’m referring to legit retards I get a little extra y myself.

Jason Van Owen - Theme Song
00:00 / 00:00

NEVER KNOW WHEN SOMEONE COMES AND TRIES TO TAKE MY LIFE

I'VE BEEN SLEEPIN' WITH THE .45 LIKE EVERY NIGHT

IN THE WHIP I PRAY TO GOD I DON'T SEE FLASHIN' LIGHTS

GOD DAMN, THEY RIGHT BEHIND ME

MIKE DEMPSEY

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Main Event of the evening! The following battle is scheduled for one fall and it is a Last Chance Match! Introducing first, standing 6’ even and weighing in at 229 pounds, he is Jason Van Owen!

EYES OPEN, I SEE YOU, I'M WATCHIN' YOU, YEAH

MORE PEOPLE WANNA BE, YOU DON'T TRUST NO ONE

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well, regardless of what Perry thinks, Jason Van Owen proved himself deserving of a roster spot here in Union Battleground when he, along with his partner Maxx Bennett, beat Leela Watts and Danny Rizzo in the middle of that ring.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Oh did he, Eli? Did he really prove himself to be anything other than mister big dick in his at because he has to compensate for other things. Hell, maybe he should put good wrestler in his at too while he’s at it.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Well, like I said he did beat Rizzo and Watts a few weeks back and they’re both former champions with big time wins to their name. Say what you want about the interference from Kaven Drell.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I wish Drell would have killed him right then and there if I’m speaking the truth here.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I think you’ll find Drell has his sights set on someone else.

 

[Van Owen walks up the steel steps with real purpose while ignoring the crowd for the most part. They are all riled up for this Main Event! The mixed reaction holds as Jason dashes through the ropes to do a spin in the ring to mock further. He props himself up against the far ropes to watch the entrance way for one, Danny Rizzo.]

Danny Rizzo - Theme Song
00:00 / 00:00

IN BLOOD AND TEARS

A THOUSAND TIMES

WE RISE AGAINST

WE’LL ALWAYS HOLD THE LINE

OF RECKONING!

[Heavy guitar strikes as Danny Rizzo emerges from the back clad in a black t-shirt that reads the same word that strikes at that moment, “Reckoning.”  He pauses for a moment at the top of the stage to take in his reception with a sneer and shakes his head as the capacity crowd showers him with praise and disdain at the same time. Regardless of their opinion, Danny gives them a nod as a flurry of lighters ignite around the building, showing support for Rizzo’s arch nemesis (are we allowed to use that word in this company?), Kaven Drell. For the moment, though, Drell is nowhere to be seen.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

He calls himself The Last Apex, and is the last man to have faced Chris Callum in a ring. Danny Rizzo looks to do his part here tonight and secure a spot for he and Leela in the Battalion Championship match at War of the Worlds.

PERRY WALLACE

The real question is though, will Drell come out here tonight and cuck the man once again?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I guess you’ll just have to wait and see. But judging by the fans, they’re hoping that Drell shows his face tonight.

RED TEARS RUN DOWN LIKE A RIVER

DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES

IT WON’T DISAPPEAR

NO FEAR YOU WANNA END THE PAIN

DONT LET GO, DON’T BACK DOWN, HOLD THE LINE

MIKE DEMPSEY

And his opponent, standing 5'11" and 202 pounds, hailing from right here in The Gem City — Dayton, Ohio, he is "The UnYielding" Danny Rizzo!

WE’LL BRING THE RECKONING

BRING THE RECKONING

[Before the announcement even has a chance to end Danny gets a running go and slides right into the ring, rushing a neutral corner and taking the second turnbuckle while beating his chest and letting out a shout of fury. The fans respond with another volley of mixed cheers and boo’s in his direction, and his resolve seems to harden to steel as he drops down and turns to stretch out against the ropes. The referee comes to the center of the ring to explain the rules or lack thereof before calling for the bell!] 

 

[DING!]

 

PERRY WALLACE

And here we go folks, the official start of our main event of the evening!

 

[Rizzo and Van Owen come right at one another with Jason hitting Danny quickly with a heart punch! Then he adjusts for a discus punch! Rizzo stumbles one step back before coming forward fast with a running clothesline! Danny leaps back to his feet while Jason struggles a bit on the mat. That tiny bit of hesitation allows Rizzo to bounce off the ropes to slingshot back at Van Owen for a baseball slide into the rib cage of Van Owen!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I hate when people focus on the ribs, man. Brings back bad memories.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m sure diving off the top of the big screen over the entrance had nothing to do with those ribs either there, huh?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Did it for you, pops. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m proud of you, son… Sorry Bronx, but not sorry Luke.

 

[Jason rolls around on the mat momentarily before being rolled up by Danny!] 

 

...One! 

 

...Kick Out! 

 

[Van Owen races back to his feet only to be caught from behind by Rizzo for an abdominal stretch! Jason attempts to escape only to have the pressure put on by The Last Apex!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

No getting out of that abdominal stretch just yet and that shit, even though it doesn’t look like it hurts, is really fucking uncomfortable.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Maybe uncomfortable for someone like yourself whose been out of action and out of shape for months.  Me personally? I stretch like that at least ten times a day with ease.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You can’t even tie your own shoes you fat fuck.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I wear slip-ons most of the time.

 

[Jason slings his head back to smash Danny in the face for a wicked headbutt! Then another! Rizzo has no choice but to release his hold on Van Owen, who hits the ropes on the opposite side of the ring! He comes flying back at Danny for a violent discus elbow! The impact against the forehead of Danny leaves a gash that begins to bleed. Rizzo hits the mat flat on his back, where Van Owen hooks a leg!] 

 

...One! 

 

… Kick Out! 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Quick kick out from Rizzo but he’s busted open and bleeding like a stuck pig. I don’t know what that means but Perry’s trailer park redneck ass could definitely break that down for you.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m not from the south. What do you think I am, an inbred piece of hillbilly trash who likes badgers.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

No, I think you’re an inbred piece of hillbilly trash that sells tires as a side hustle.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Best way to transport cocai-nevermind.

 

[Rizzo rolls to his feet while Jason leaps to his! The two men meet in the center of the ring with Jason hitting The UnYielding with a back hand chop across the chest! Then another! Van Owen comes in close for clinched knees and elbow shots! The flurry of offense catches Danny off guard while he is worked into the far corner by Van Owen! Jason approaches Rizzo before delivering a spinning backfist that hits the mark! Danny ends up in a seated position propped up against the middle and bottom turnbuckles.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Spinning back fist from Van Owen flattens Rizzo like the spinning back fist from Derrick La’Bell would flatten Perry.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Who are you trying to kid? Everyone in this building and on the entire planet knows that Derrick La’Balls in his mouth is the biggest bitch in the fight game, even surpassing Rob Jones.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You know that this building is named the Nutter Center?

 

PERRY WALLACE

Guarantee you Derrick and ‘mystic big dick’ are meeting out back after to see who tastes better.

 

[Van Owen wastes no time in rushing over to the opposite corner to Rizzo. He takes off full speed ahead aiming for a basement drop kick, but at the last possible moment Danny rolls out of the way to end up on the outside floor! Jason misses to slide crotch first into the ring post! Rizzo catches his legs on the outside while the men of the audience lets out a collective painful groan! Danny takes hold of Van Owens right leg in both hands to swing it knee first against the post! Then again! Rizzo goes wild on his opponents knee!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

After that I don’t think anyone is going to be tasting anything from Van Owen for a minute. Rizzo, doing the smart thing, capitalizes on the opportunity and looks to make his opponents knees look like Perry’s before his last knee replacement.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Maybe after Danny snaps his leg in half he’ll change his at to mystic limp leg.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Brings a whole new meaning to walking with a limp.

 

PERRY WALLACE

WALK WITH A LIMP CAUSE MY AT SO HEAVY!!! But nothing else in real life...

 

[Rizzo finally releases his hold on Jason. Van Owen rolls around on the mat clutching at his right knee that now ails him. Danny slides back into the ring to catch Jason flat on his back attempting to crawl out of the ring. The UnYielding drops an elbow into the middle of his spine from a vertical base to halt all of Van Owen’s progress! Rizzo quickly gets back up to cradle up both legs of Jason before applying a texas cloverleaf!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Looks like Rizzo heard your wish and is looking to make it reality.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I pray to the big man above that Danny puts him in a wheelchair so he can live the rest of his days like the child of Drew Stevenson and your ex.

 

[The crowd pops as Rizzo applies even more pressure. Jason reaches out to take hold of the bottom rope in both hands! The referee does nothing. Van Owen realizes there are no rules here in Union Battleground. He uses the ropes to pull himself out onto the apron, but Danny refuses to release the hold. Jason gets to the edge of the apron and simply falls forward off! Both wrestlers end up on the outside floor still wadded up together in a ball!] 

 

[Jason continues to nurse at his right knee. Rizzo slammed his head against the floor during the fall and appears to be in a bit of a daze. Van Owen crawls over toward the security barrier near one of the many guards added tonight by the boss man due to Kaven Drell. Rizzo stumbles up to his feet before taking off at Jason, who pulls the security guard in front of himself for protection! The guard takes a clothesline into the steel barrier!] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

And the crowd erupts seeing security being taken out. Justice for George Floyd signs popped up out of nowhere. If you’re looking to help the protesters, go ahead and donate to Minnesota Freedom Fund. Someone tell that bitch Buddy Winchester to drop his 5 grand on that.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Oh my fucking god…

 

[Rizzo knocks the security personnel out cold. He then rolls around on the outside floor attempting in vain to gather himself. Jason peers down at the carnage to see the guard has dropped a pair of long cuffs and a can of mace.] 

 

[The cuffs have a long chain. They could be leg irons, but that doesn’t matter to Jason. He bends down carefully to pick them and the can of mace up. Van Owen then slowly turns around to find Rizzo still down on the concrete floor. He walks over before bending over to slap one of the cuffs onto Danny! The UnYielding fights this off only to catch a face full of mace for his trouble! Rizzo rubs at his face vigorously to regain his sight only to further agitate!] 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Don’t do that Danny! Didn’t you hear about that James Ceno dude?! Never rub it in!

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

James Ceno is only okay with rubbing it in if she’s younger than 13.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I thought that was Declan Black or whatever the fuck his name is, the fucking pedophile.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

What’s lower? Madman’s blood sugar levels or the age of Declan Blacks last girlfriend?

 

PERRY WALLACE

As much as I want to say Madman I just can’t do it because his legs are still intact...for now at least.

 

[Jason slaps one of the cuffs around the left wrist of The Last Apex! Van Owen then pulls at the other end to get Rizzo back to a vertical base, but he drops the can of mace! It lands in the right open palm of Danny Rizzo. He quickly points it up at Jason before spraying it wide open! Danny gets lucky and catches his opponent directly in the face! Rizzo can hear and feel his opponent fall down in front of him in a seated position. Danny reaches out essentially blind to take hold of Van Owen’s right hand. He then quickly slaps the other end of the cuffs onto Jason’s wrist! The men are now bound together, blind.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Alright, back to the action if you can call it that. This seems like the beginning to the next human centipede sequel.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Please kill me before that happens and all of the people who remind me of Van Owen come to Union.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

You only say that because you know you’ll be the last man in the centipede.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Absolutely not! There are plenty of people I was referring to that can make up the entire centipede and I hope Drell burns each and every single one of them to the ground.

 

[Both men stagger up. They pull at each other on the long chain. Rizzo and Jason both use the chain to guide them to one another. They begin throwing wild punches at one another unable to see yet. Jason hits Danny with a solid right then misses with a left! Rizzo spins around and ends up behind Van Owen, where he wraps the chain around his neck with blind luck to begin strangling his foe! The crowd watches the violent display like addicts waiting in line for a fix. Anxious.] 

 

[Rizzo continues to strangle Jason while shuffling up the entrance ramp. Van Owen reaches out and takes a fan’s coca cola before splashing it into his own face! The cold liquid washes some of the burn away and now Jason’s sight sort of returns. Still foggy but he nails Rizzo with a back elbow that causes Danny to release his hold! Jason yanks at the chain until he catches The UnYielding with a side headlock! He then pulls Rizzo towards the ring still seeing foggy, but enough to point the way.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Van Owen taking a page out of the old Happy Meal Deathmatch, using the coke to his advantage and now Danny finds himself in some trouble.

 

PERRY WALLACE

That was a fantastic match wasn’t it? Nothing is better than watching an innocent unborn child being killed without anyone even being aware at the time.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

That’s really not that funny.

 

PERRY WALLACE

What’s not funny about a McDonalds drive-thru abortion!?

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I don’t think anything is funny about a miscarriage, Perry. And you should be more sensitive given that your daughter has had one too. Piece of shirt.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Hers wasn’t performed with a happy meal toy!

 

[Jason slams Rizzo head first into the edge of the apron! The gash on his forehead now bleeds freely once more. Van Owen still nurses his knee as he rolls Rizzo back into the ring beneath the bottom rope. Jason carefully glides back into the ring to go for an immediate pin!] 

 

...One! 

 

...Two! 

 

...Kick Out!
 

PERRY WALLACE

Nice try there mister mystic but I don’t see it happening that easy, scooter. As much as Eli likes to talk about and bully Danny, the kids got spunk.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Just calling it like I see it, Perriwinkle. Some of us don’t have a hard on for badgers like you do.

 

PERRY WALLACE

And us others don’t have to put big dick in our at or nickname’s because we piss on our balls.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

We all know where you like to put big dick. You’re on a full diet of it.

 

PERRY WALLACE

Eat my fuck!I challenge you to a gunfight!

 

[The crowd pops as The UnYielding kicks out at two and three quarters! Van Owen pops up and begins hammering down on the mat with two balled fists. The anger and frustration has boiled over finally. He gets on his hands and knees to crawl back over to his fallen opponent only to catch a fist to the jaw! Then another! Rizzo has regained his sight and mounts Van Owen on the mat to begin dropping punches down on him!] 

 

[Van Owen brings up a knee to knock Rizzo forward and off of him! Jason rolls to his feet then charges at Danny, who remains on one knee. The UnYielding avoids a shot from behind by hitting the mat flat! Jason flies by and gets tangled up in the ropes. Danny rises to both feet and trips Jason’s from beneath him! Van Owen hits the mat on his hands and knees, but gets untangled. Rizzo bounces off the far side of the ring to nail Jason with his shining wizard! Black Rose!] 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Goodnight Van Owen Gonsalves!

 

[Van Owen hits the mat flat on his back. The Last Apex falls down alongside Jason to hook a leg!] 

 

...One! 

 

…Two! 

 

...Three! 

 

PERRY WALLACE

Finally!

 

[DING! DING! DING!]

 

MIKE DEMPSEY

Here is your winner, "The UnYielding" Danny Rizzo! 

 

[Van Owen kicks out way too late. He rolls over on his side, still in a daze from Black Rose. The referee bends down to check on both men, who have red swollen eyes and bloody wounds. The ref then uses a key to unlock the handcuff attached to Jason, who hits the referee and snatches the key! Van Owen rolls out of the ring but not before latching the handcuff to the bottom rope! Jason takes off with the key as Danny realizes he’s locked to the bottom rope with no escape.] 

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Did he really ju-

 

[Immediately the lights go dark and, almost as if on cue, lighters ignite around the arena, the flames flickering in the darkness. 

 

PERRY WALLACE

What’s going on here?! Is it him?! 

I DEFY YOUR DEFIANCE

IT'S ALL LIES IN ALLIANCE

I'VE BEEN DAMAGED, LEFT IN RUIN

'CAUSE I'M BROKEN, FLAWED AND HUMAN

[As if answering Perry’s question, the lights come back up as the music to HELLYEAH’s “Human” hits. At the top of the ramp Jason Van Owen stands frozen as Kaven Drell stares directly at him. Jason, knowing he’s caught between Drell and his prey, holds out the key for Kaven to take. Drells sneers and reaches out to pluck the object from Van Owens hand and then in one lightning quick moment thrusts his head forward, directly into the bridge of Jason’s nose. Drell quickly moves past the man who crumbles to his knees and begins marching down the ramp toward the handcuffed Kaven Drell. The security guards at ringside instantly swarm to the bottom of the ramp, blockading Drell off and for the moment it seems that everything has been defused.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Indeed it is, Perry. But it looks like security has things under contr-.. What the hell?!

 

PERRY WALLACE

Don’t speak too soon!

 

[The security guards, who had blockaded the bottom of the ramp, part as soon as Drell gives a nod, opening the path to Danny Rizzo who realizes he’s in serious danger and begins tearing at the handcuffs that have him bound to the bottom rope. There’s a casual way in which Drell stalks around the ring, as though he’s got all the time in the world. And as he does so, the production crew gives the audience at home a split screen view of the backstage area as a familiar woman with red and black hair files her long, black nails and smirks at the barricaded door to the locker room that Leela Watts had retreated to after her match. Loud thuds could be heard as she beat on the door, trying to open it but to no avail.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Jesus fucking Christ, this was planned all along. It was a set up the whole time.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’ve been waiting for this kind of excitement the entire night. It’s unfortunate that everyone else minus Dakota couldn’t keep me entertained until now.

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

Wow I can’t believe you’re being mean to Leela like that.

 

PERRY WALLACE

I can’t remember exactly what was said but I do remember her being mean to me recently.

 

[Back in the ring Kaven draws ever closer to his old friend and newfound enemy, extending the silver key in his direction but snatching it away as Danny tried to quickly take it from him. Rizzo immediately eats a boot to the face that stuns him and knocks him to his back. Blood that had started to coagulate from the earlier battle with Jason Van Owen now begins to pour freely once more. Drell isn’t dissuaded, however, and he quickly mounts the fallen Rizzo, clutching him on either side of his head before driving his own forehead straight into Danny’s. Once. Twice. A third and a fourth time. Over and over again until Danny’s previously stunned figure lay motionless outside of the slow rise and fall of his chest to indicate that he was, thankfully, still alive.]

 

ELIJAH CARLSON

I think he might honestly be trying to kill that man, Perry. I think it’s gotten to that point.

 

PERRY WALLACE

It isn’t a real show until someone dies and Drell is here to seal the deal!

 

[Slipping out of the ring, Kaven quickly unhooked the cuffs that had kept Rizzo restrained, letting him fall limply down to the canvas more fully. Drell quickly used Danny’s blood to draw a heart on his chest and then haphazardly write Leela’s name in it, before sharply drawing a line through the whole creation. Amused with his own creativity, Kaven claps and pats himself on the back and then hauls Rizzo out of the ring. Hoisting him onto his shoulder, Drell rounds the corner and then goes charging directly toward the commentary table where Eli and Wallace are sitting. Eli, smartly, bails out over the security barrier and watches on in shock as Drell launches Danny straight into the plexiglass. The barrier doesn’t shatter, but it does give way as the large panel is knocked free and Wallace finds himself pinned between the plexiglass and his chair, weighed down by the battered and beaten body of Danny Rizzo. Drell promptly drops to a seated position, folding his legs underneath him indian style while cocking his head looking in amusement at the former 4CW head.]

 

KAVEN DRELL

Perrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy. Perry. PERRY! Take my hand. You’ve been searching for so long for someone to set you free. You thought it would be Cyrus. Or Dakota. You thought that they would be your salvation but all they were were cinder blocks tied to your ankles, dragging you down down down down DOWN. You don’t need to struggle anymore. You don’t need to be like Danny. No no. All you have to do is take my hand…

 

PERRY WALLACE

All you have to do is help a brother up.

 

[Drell holds his hand out, clearly too far away for Perry to reach, but he waits patiently for Wallace to seek his aid. Amazingly, before Drell’s patience runs out, Danny begins to stir but that motion draws Kaven’s attention. There’s no escaping the man on Rizzo’s part and as he’s stood up just long enough for Kaven to jump, wrap his arm around the back of his neck and his legs around his waist before pulling him back down onto the plexiglass barrier, smashing it into Wallace under the weight of two men now with the ever familiar Kill Drell. The fans know it and those who have been drawn into Kaven’s movement respond loudly.]

 

"KILL! DRELL! KILL!"

 

[Laughing, Drell shoves Danny away and rolls over onto his stomach. The plexiglass is covered in smeared blood now, which Drell licks and cackles even louder at as he peeks around the side to speak to Perry Wallace once more.]

 

KAVEN DRELL

Take my hand, Perry. DO IT! This is my battleground. DO WHAT I SAY! Do it. Do what I say Perry Wallace. Do what I say. Let me save you. Don’t go down the same path as so many others. Don’t go down the same path as Danny boy. Don’t do it. DON’T DO IT! I only offer my hand once. SAY YES!

 

PERRY WALLACE

I’m not even getting paid to be here. What the hell is all this?! Focus on Danny and not me. I just came here to enjoy the show! I’ll pay you anything you want to kill Van Owen and all his other alternates.

 

[A heavy sigh heaves Drell's shoulders up and down as he withdraws his hand, pushing himself upright, on the glass and taking a step back. Half a second later Drell has pulled the pane of plexiglass away, discarding it onto the fallen body of Rizzo before setting his sights on Perry. He takes two step back and then begins to charge toward him but the door on the backside of the former cubed structure is jerked open by Elijah Carlson, who drags Perry out through it by the back of his shirt collar, pulling him over the security barrier and to relative, temporary safety for the moment.]

 

PERRY WALLACE

You’re welcome for getting you out of harms way, Eli.

 

[The commentary team is quick make their escape from the madness through the crowd as Drell's eyes sparkle and dance while he watches them go. Moments later he turns back to the plexiglass pane, stained with blood and Danny Rizzo pinned underneath. It’s there that the final shot of the evening comes, as Drell writes in large, blood red letters on the pain. Kill. Drell. Kill. He cackles loudly and throws his head back until the arena is plummeted once more into darkness. The shrill cries of panicked fans who haven’t given themselves over to his movement radiate throughout the building.]

 

[And when the lights come back up a moment later. Kaven Drell is gone and nowhere to be found. But evidence of his appearance, in the form of the carnage and wreckage around the ring, remains.]

 

[Roll credits.]

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